Lyrics by Rascal Flatts: “I’m finally content with a past I regret…I ‘ve found you find strength in your moments of weakness…finally I’m at peace with myself…I’ve been trapped in the past for too long…I’m moving on..At last I can see…life has been patiently waiting for me….I had to lose everything to find out….I’m movin’ on…”

It’s Christmas Eve and my thirteen-old-daughter made me cry. It was her present: a shoebox wrapped in Christmas paper. Inside were photos of moments we’ve shared in her life; her first day home as a newborn, her first Christmas and Easter, her first communion and more. What touched my heart was the letter she wrote me that was inside. I won’t share all of it, but the part that surprised me was when I read:

“You have been through so much but you still remain strong. I will always be proud of you! I love you, Kayley”

My daughter Kayley, 13 years old

My kids and I have been through a lot since 2009 when I lost my teaching job and couldn’t find work. In May of 2010 we lost the house that we had lived in for the last 20 years. The kids moved in with their dad—that was the worst of all my losses, but at the time, all I could afford was a one bedroom apartment.

I had sold my belongings, all my jewelry, anything I could think of to fight losing the house, but ultimately, I guess it wasn’t meant to be.

Today I write, edit and work with kids at an after school program. I’m still worried about finances and I had apologized to my girls that this year I could only get them one present for Christmas (That’s all I could afford). My fifteen year old then surprised me by saying; “Mom, that’s not what Christmas is all about. Stop apologizing, it’s fine.”

My daughter, Bridget, 15 years old

This Christmas I learned that my girls have learned a lot from what we have been through. They learned at a young age that your life can be interrupted by things that you didn’t plan for or want to have happen. They learned that life isn’t fair but even if you are financially burdened, there is richness to be found in the love of friends and family.

I’ll be honest; In 2009 I thought my life was cursed. I lost everything and struggled to find work and I had no idea when things would return to “normal”. But today I don’t see it that way. Normal is over-rated.

I think all the bad things were blessings disguised in ugly wrapping paper. When I was battling the eye of the hurricane, I couldn’t see that truth but today both my daughters helped me see that because of the bad things, I’ve been blessed with many gifts.

For example, If I had not lost my teaching job, I never would have ended up writing and editing-both of which I love. I never would have been blessed with knowing the following people or having the following things happen to me:

• I met Francis, a 90 year old with Alzheimer ’s disease, who I cared for in 2010. She would share great stories about the Great Depression and she told me every day: “The first 100 years are the hardest. Don’t worry child. You’ll be okay.”
• I met George and Pearl and learned what love truly means.
• Making friends with fellow bloggers like Gary Crystal and Cher Duncombe and authors like Gina Clowes. Becoming friends with Boston’s hottest band, Kingston 530–all because of my writing.
• Being able to interview fascinating people like Sal Richards, entertainer and author; Harriet Bronson (first wife of movie star Charles Bronson); Stacey Tookey, Emmy nominated choreographer; the Canadian author who inspired the post I wrote, called “Breathe”.
• Working for a non-profit organization and knowing I can still make a difference in the lives of children. Working with special people who I love like Sue Harrington, Eric Vincent, Jazz, Kristin, Katie and Deb  (and more)
• Having one of the kids (a foster-child in the program) tell me just last week that I was his hero.
• Having someone leave me this message on a post called Slow Down the Wheel. She said “I love your website. It has helped me so much. I like to start my day with one particular post…”
• Having someone list me as their favorite blog and in the top group of personal development blogs.
• I began writing from the heart and I can see my own transformation from the bitterness of FA-LA-LA (I wrote it the Thanksgiving before I lost my house in third person, although the woman is me); to the sadness in Life Is Like a Cup of Coffee; to the acceptance, determination and perseverance in Starting Over (the “she” in the poem is me).
• Having Tony Berkman, CEO of blog catalog, interview me.
• Out of more than 3000 writers, being named blog critic’s “writer of the week”

There’s more but too much to write here.

A lot has happened in three years. Today, I see “the curse” or all the bad that happened to me as a gift. I learned not to sweat the small stuff; that material things don’t matter; a house doesn’t make the home a home—it’s only a pile of wood; that Christmas has nothing to do with presents; and that my girls are wise beyond their years because of our families hardship.

I learned how to move on and let go of the past…As we enter 2012, I’m wishing for my readers that 2012 will bring everyone much happiness!

And if your life gets interrupted by unplanned or unwanted events, I’m hoping you will look for the hidden gifts that are waiting for you to find.

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2011

“Change means movement. Movement means friction. Only in the frictionless vacuum of a nonexistent abstract world can movement or change occur without that abrasive friction of conflict.” ~Saul Alinsky

Ian Lawton is the author of the blog,Soul Seeds. He recently wrote an article called Change and Chaos. In it he writes:

“We all want to control our lives, to some extent, so that we can feel safe. Change often throws a wrench in that plan, hurling curve balls and body blows that mess with the order you crave. Change can feel chaotic.”

He then goes on to write that we need to embrace the chaos in order to grow, learn and unlearn, to become a better version of our-self:

“Think about Chaos Theory in terms of some intensely personal and difficult situations. On the day you lost your job, it felt like the sky was falling on all your hopes and plans. Little did you know that an incredible new path (blue sky) was unfolding in your chaos. The day your spouse told you he was leaving you, it felt like a heavy door was closing on your face and taking your feet out from under you. Little did you know the new love you would find. The chaos you felt when your parents died, when your beliefs started changing, when your kids left home….all were new opportunities in disguise.”

On his website, there is a great video on change. It’s called We’ll See About Change.

I highly recommend it!

The most important message that I received from watching his video and reading his article today was to remember… that although change is hard, it’s an ever present part of our natural existence. His message:

“Change is reality… Change will always come… We can try to force change or resist it…” but according to Ian Lawton , we should try to be present and “stay in the middle”.

“Allow ourselves to stay in the middle where there is always more to be revealed.”

If you’re grieving after a painful divorce; If you’ve lost your job and are struggling to find work; If you are adjusting to a new life that is not what you had bargained for…I think you will benefit from reading his blog. He has many pearls of wisdom.

Thank you, Ian, for sharing your intuitive nature with others. Your writing heals.

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2011

Lyrics to “For the First Time” by The Script:

We don’t know how we got into this mad situation

Only doing things out of frustration

Trying to make it work but man these times are hard…

I was having a blue day; another company that I had recently applied to had just emailed me the same generic rejection letter that I had become used to receiving: “We’re sorry. Although we reviewed your credentials and find them to be of interest, we’ve chosen another candidate. We will keep your query in our data base and notify you if another opportunity might arise…”

I hit the delete button and slouched into my chair. It wasn’t fair. I have been trying for two years to find full time work.

This email triggered buried, raw emotions and toxic thoughts began to swirl: “Why bother sending out another resume? It’s been two years of trying….why try anymore? This is going to be my life now. I’m underemployed and struggling…Why me, God? What did I ever do to deserve this?”

That’s when I realized it was time to blow that rescue whistle again. No, I couldn’t allow myself to sink into my self-pity- quicksand. I sent out my SOS, in the form of an email to a good friend; an intelligent, successful and beautiful woman who “gets it”. She’s been in my shoes and somehow made it through. I needed to email Cher Donovan Duncombe, the editor for BrooWaha and author of AskCherlock.

She was quick to reply and this was some of what she wrote:

“Waiting. That is the most difficult issue to deal with, I know. I have been “in the wilderness” and know exactly what you mean. I had come to believe that I would never come out of it….But that lovely pendulum did what it was supposed to do. It swung! That is why I can tell you with full confidence that it does happen. You are a woman of substance …of value. When you cannot believe in yourself, know that I do, and take some measure of that for sustenance. Just remember that the pendulum always swings the other way, and don’t despair. ”

Pendulum?

The word pendulum immediately made me think about a novel I had to read in seventh grade. Edgar Allen Poe’s short story, The Pit and the Pendulum, written in 1843, a suspenseful tale told in narrative form.

The narrator is “trapped” in a prison, sentenced to death at the time of the Inquisition. Upon receiving his death sentence, the narrator swoons and loses consciousness. When he wakes, he faces complete darkness. The reader is “caught” in the present with the narrator, unable to see his future or know how his story will end.

Isn’t that just like life?

We all go through hard times and during the “dark periods” we might feel trapped, all alone. It’s at these times that you need to fight those feelings of despair. Quitting should never be an option.

On the evening news, anchorman periodically report that the US economy is improving and jobs are on the rise. I feel angry when I hear this because sitting in my chair, it isn’t true. Three hundred people apply for that one job and it’s a numbers game; combined with who you know, timing and luck.

When work is hard to find, one has to find part time jobs, while waiting, in order to survive. But it’s a real struggle and the stress can be unbearable.

I decided to research and learn what the experts have to say on the topic of coping with stress. It was just published on Blogcritics.org , Facing Hard Times: 11 Natural Stress Busters.

Cher’s right. Waiting is the hardest part.

While I wait for my pendulum to swing, I need to discover what stress busters will work for me and maybe some of them might work for you.

To read more…..

Added Note:

Driving home from work yesterday, this song played on the radio…it reminded me that I am not alone and was the pep talk I needed to hear (just like the “rescue-email” I needed to read from Cher)

Rodney Atkins If You’re Going Through Hell Lyrics:

Well you know those times when you feel like

There’s a sign there on your back

That says I don’t mind if you kick

me, seems like everybody has

Things go from bad to worse

You think it can’t get worse than that

And then they do

You step off the straight and narrow

And you don’t know where you are

Used the needle of your compass, to sew up your broken heart

Ask directions from a genie in a bottle of Jim Beam

And she lies to you

That’s when you learn the truth

[Chorus]

If you’re goin’ through hell keep on going.

Don’t slow down if you’re scared. Don’t show it.

You might get out before the devil even knows you’re there

I’ve been deep down in that darkness

I’ve been down to my last match

Felt a hundred different deamons breathin’ fire down my back

And I knew that if I stumbled I’d fall right into the trap

That they were layin’

But the good news is there’s angels

everywhere out on the street

Holdin’ out a hand to pull you back up on your feet

The one’s that you’ve been draggin’ for so long

You’re on your knees might as well be prayin’

Guess what I’m sayin’

[Chorus]

If you’re goin’ through hell keep on going

Don’t slow down if you’re scared don’t show it

You might get out before the devil even knows you’re there

When you’re goin’ through hell keep on movin’

Face that fire walk right through it

You might get out before the devil even knows you’re there

If you’re goin’ through hell keep on going

Don’t slow down if you’re scared don’t show it

You might get out before the devil even knows you’re there

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2011

Remember to breathe

I spent this gray New England morning sitting at my kitchen table with my laptop, drinking several cups of java, while editing a piece for my NY Publisher (a great piece, soon to be published for Reader’s Digest).

It was a typical morning spent doing what I always do ( when I’m not writing or juggling other editing jobs). But this “final round” of edits,  this piece the publisher sent to me, made my morning different. It gave me a  kick…got me thinking…even made me cry…yes, I cried!..(at the end of the piece… it was that good).

I had one of those “Aha” moments, which I haven’t had in a while. In fact, I haven’t been feeling much in a while; that’s probably why I haven’t been posting on my blog. No “spark”…if you’re a writer, you know what I’m talking about. It’s that adrenaline rush you get when you have an idea that you just “have to” put on paper.

The last month I’ve been just going through the motions. I moved to a new house, busy with work, my kids, day to day…spinning the hamster wheel called my busy life…and with that attitude I’ve been forgetting to do what I love…write for me…and breathe.

So here I am, on my third cup of coffee, going through the manuscript and (this doesn’t happen often) I begin to be drawn in by what the author is saying. She’s a forty something successful pastor, teacher, mother, wife, friend and tragedy hit two years ago. She fell off her horse  in a riding accident and it left her with a serious, life altering brain injury. She wanted her old life back…at first (This is where “the kick” comes in).

No, I don’t ride horses, but I know what she meant by “wanting her old life back.” Who doesn’t get that? If you’ve lived long enough, you know that life is going to “shift” at any minute unannounced. Your equilibrium will be thrown off—you’ll be challenged to adjust—and if you resist changing to the “winds” that blew in and knocked you off your sail boat, you’ll end up depressed, cursing God, hating God, probably asking too many times (and no one is listening), “Why Me,God?”

Yep, this author had me hooked. I started to look at the piece as something I actually WANTED to read, not just read, edit and turn in to my publisher by noon today for the pay-check.

So there I was reading and being “drawn in”. Yeah, this lady had been dealt an unfair hand and her knee-jerk reaction was to complain, question why it happened to her, and miss her old life. She was resisting the changes that she had to make to begin living her new life to the fullest.

She said one thing in particular that created “spark”—what I haven’t felt in a month—that NEED to write it down, before I forget it…

She said that in time, she realized that she needed to accept what had happened and learn to embrace her new life, being thankful for all the blessings that came her way, because of the tragedy.

Blessings  came out of her tragedy? Really?

She said she had to be patient and wait. She admitted it wasn’t easy. She fought depression and had days where she wanted to quit. She had to dig deep and look long and hard for the good that was covered in muck. But she said these gifts, seen first as challenges, were always there.

Once she learned to “BE STILL”, “BE IN THE PRESENT”…she saw with clarity, felt better, even found joy…and she was grateful.

Her message was: Stop the damn hamster wheel and take care of yourself! The “To Do” list can wait. Breathe…you’ll feel better…What is important in this life?…Really think about it!…Is it on that “To Do” List that you hate?

How many times this week have you remembered to “slow down and breathe” and maybe put yourself and your needs first?

If you’re like most people, you haven’t really thought about it because you’ve been too busy. But what a great point this author made…Slow down…remember to breathe….the hamster wheel can spin with the wind for a while without you…Sit in the shade with your favorite drink and  give your feet a rest…you’ll feel better…yeah, that is important…more important than finishing item #10 on that 20 page “To Do” List.

So here I am, reading the manuscript and thinking… “Wow…This woman has suffered…she has lost…how unfair and sad…but look at her!…She’s not defeated…she’s stronger and she’s reaching out…she’s turning her tragedy into something grand…She is becoming MORE than what she was before…She’s changed…but for the better….At first, it didn’t seem like it…she missed her “old” self…but now…by remembering to “Be still” “Be in the present” “Understand what this life is truly about”…she has transformed into a better, wiser, kinder, more loving and intuitive person than who she was before… this tragic event…This “Fall” that put her life, her world into a tornado spin…it was the catalyst for becoming better…This trial, this struggle, this cursed event that “ruined” her life, didn’t ruin it at all…It MADE her life…It gave her a real purpose…one that needed to be shared ….And she’s grateful…

This event that she cried about, fought hard to fix (but it couldn’t be fixed in the way she wanted) was an opportunity in disguise…”When one door closes, there will be another door that will open” but it IS hell in the hallway (for sure) while you wait…but that is okay….wait, be still, stay in the present…and look for the good in the ugly…

So I just sipped my last swig of 8 am cold coffee and attached the finished doc to the publisher and sent it off. By this afternoon I’ll know when it’s ready for print (Hope to share the link with you when it’s live—it really is a great piece!).

I am still thinking about a woman I’ve never met and how she changed ME today. She lit a match under me that I needed to have lit.

I felt a “spark”, that reason to write that I haven’t had in a month… and here I am writing…what I love to do but never do for myself nearly enough… and I’m hoping this post had some meaning in your world.

No, you may never have an accident that causes life altering changes and adjustments. In fact, you may be so young that the worst thing that has happened to you so far is your high school sweet heart dumped you on Christmas Eve last year or maybe you just flunked your last College final…but the point is…none of that matters…Smile…Remember to breathe…

We all hit rough patches (some get hit harder than others); we all cry, get angry, swear up to the sky and ask “Why Me, Damn it?” But if we’re smart, we’ll slow down and see that in the end…our long list of chores should NEVER get in the way of remembering what is important in this life: Family, Love, Laughter and … Silence.

Being still…enjoying the solitude and  the present moment (not dwelling over yesterday or worrying about tomorrow–that only prevents us from enjoying the here and now).

This life is just too short to forget to do that.

Life is change...Will you change with it?

“Life is Change. Growth is Optional. Choose Wisely.”~ Karen Kaiser Clark

When life throws you off  course, would you change?

This author did…and is glad for it!

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2011

Article first published as Between Hell and Hope on Blogcritics.

NOTE: I chose this video because the last scene in this tape reminds me of the last night I spent with my dad. The words are beautiful. They’re words that I closely relate to.

Hope you have the time to listen.

Verse taken from “Temporary Home”.…” Carrie Underwood

“She’s looking for a job, looking for a way out…Someday she’ll  find her place here in this world…

This is my temporary home…not where I belong…

…windows and rooms that I’m passing through…This is just a stop on the way to where I’m going…

I’m not afraid because I know…this is my temporary home… “

This post is dedicated to my Dad…Miss you Daddy….

I woke up this morning and for whatever reason, I was thinking about my dad. He died a few years ago and some days, I can’t help but think about him. Today was one of those days.

He was always my cheerleader and life coach. When I’d hit a rough patch, he’d remind me to “suck it up” and that “Everyone has a story”. Even in fourth grade, when I was the “new kid” attending a new school, and I was struggling to “fit in”, he taught me that any situation can be met with laughter.

I remember one particular afternoon, shortly after my family moved to Cape Cod. My dad greeted me at the kitchen door, sensing that I had another bad day. His remedy for chasing my fourth grade blues away was to take my hand, lead me into the living room, sit me down on the couch and force me to listen to whatever he decided to play on the stereo. On this afternoon, he plunked himself beside me and as James Taylor began to serenade us, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and started to sing along. My dad had a beautiful voice but I wasn’t in the mood to listen.

Being a typical 10 year old brat, I vehemently protested and tried several times to leave, but each attempt was thwarted. Each time I’d try to get up and wriggle away, he’d pulled me back down onto the sofa and held me even tighter. He never missed a beat, smiling and belting out the lyrics from “You’ve Got a Friend” as I squirmed and pleaded with him to let me go. The more annoyed I became, the more comical it was to him. He’d chuckle and smile, and theatrically kept singing. If anyone had been watching us, it would have made for some great, free entertainment.

All I wanted was to be alone in my room but my dad wouldn’t have it. He was determined to drown out JT and make it impossible for me to leave his side. Rolling my eyes, I finally surrendered and I felt “stuck”. I had no choice but to listen to my father croon…

“When your down and troubled and need a helping hand…and nothing is going right. Keep your head together and call my name out loud…and I’ll be there…” Surprisingly, in just a few seconds after I resigned myself to the fact that I’d never win a battle against my dad, I actually began to enjoy his attention. Before the song had stopped playing on the stereo, we were both laughing and singing along.

I’ve missed him a lot these past two years. Just like that ten year old girl feeling trapped on the living room couch; I’ve felt trapped; stuck between hell and hope. I could have really used my dad’s encouragement. Getting laid off from teaching, losing my house, struggling to start over….to say it’s been a rough patch is an understatement. It’s strange, but on days when I felt like hiding from the world by staying under the covers, he’d pop into my mind and I could hear him telling me “Everyone has a story.” or “Chin up, LuAngie, it’s just temporary. Things will turn around. Nothing is forever.”

Aint that the truth!

Read the newspaper and glance at some of the headlines. You’ll begin to see that the grass isn’t always greener. ” Young Mother Slain” and the suspect happens to be her 15 year old, mentally ill son; “Gas Line Explodes and Kills Eight People”; “Missing Teen” and her family fears abduction; “More Residents Fighting Foreclosure.” ; “Local Company Is Filing For Bankruptcy” and 2000 more Americans lose their jobs; “Thirteen Year Old in Coma” after he was bullied by some class mates. Makes me wonder…

Do the hard times ever end?

According to my dad, they do. His famous line was “It’s just temporary, so keep the faith.”

It was 1987 and the two of us were outside on the family deck. He was smoking one of his favorite Cuban cigars. I was in my twenties, living in Newton and my trip to the Cape wasn’t planned. It was a Friday in May and I had just gotten my first teaching pink slip. I was feeling scared,uncertain about my future, so I headed down south because I needed to be in the company of my dearest friend, dear old dad.

After I shared my bad news with him, he decided to share a story from his past with me. It was the day he learned that he needed to resign from professional football. It was in the 1950′s and he was a leather head and a linebacker for the Chicago Bears. He had just gotten another knee injury but this time the doctor took one look at it and advised him that it was time for him to quit the game. “Lou, I know you love the game, but if you keep playing, you’ll spend the rest of your life in a wheelchair.” The decision to quit football devastated my dad. He loved the sport and it had been his life. He had played ever since he was seven years old, the son of an Italian immigrant who owned and ran a barber shop across the street from Jimmy’s Harbor-side, a popular eatery in Boston, that is now gone.

My dad grew up in a three deck-or apartment in the heart of Dorchestor and every day after school he’d meet up with his buddies to play ball. From an early age, people recognized his talent. He played in high school, then Boston College, and later for the United States Marines. When his service was done, he turned to pro ball but his time with the NFL was short lived. His heart would soon be broken after multiple knee injuries and one memorable visit to the doctor’s office. The doctor didn’t mince words and told him that it was time to pack it up.

My dad’s life long dream was always to play pro football. How could what he had worked so hard for be taken away from him with one snap of a finger? The thought of no longer playing football not only made him depressed, but it frightened him. He had absolutely no idea what to do with his life if he wasn’t going to play professionally. And what was life going to be like without football?

He was stuck between hell and hope for a while but he eventually found a new career, met my mom, raised a family and knew happiness again. Leaving the Chicago Bears was not the end of the world after all, although as a young man in that doctor’s office, he had believed it would be.

Every once in a while, he’d stop telling me his story, tilt his head up to the sky and blow cigar rings into the spring air, for added affect. This made me smile. When he ended his story telling, he didn’t use the usual “And they lived happily ever after” that he always had used when I was a little girl. This time he ended his story with, “Life is full of unexpected pot holes, my dear. You just have to ride it out. The storm will eventually pass.” I listened and nodded . Deep down, I knew he was right but I felt I’d been dealt an unfair hand. I complained, “Yeah, but waiting out the storm is the hard part.” I can still see him smile at me, lounging on his favorite chaise and tilting his head back once again to blow a few more cigar rings into the air. Then he looked me squarely in the eyes and responded, “Quit your whining…Carry a heavy umbrella…I’m telling ya, this too shall pass.”

Now I get it.

Two years ago, I lost my job and then my life became a losing game of Dominoes, where I helplessly watched each piece knock the other one down. It was a pitiful chain reaction leading to many sleepless nights and days filled with worry. My whole world fell apart, little by little, piece by piece and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Some days, I felt like quitting but it was at those times I’d think about my dad and visualize him shaking his head at me and smiling. He’d be telling his little girl, ” Stop worrying. It’s temporary…it’s going to change…nothing is forever…it will get better.”

His belief that everything in this life is temporary is what helped me move forward.

Today, I can actually see the good in what I once saw as just plain ugly. In time, the disappointment and pain passed and new doors began to open. Writing and editing is a new path that I never would have followed if the first door wasn’t slammed shut in my face. It has given me great opportunities and I’ve been able to meet so many interesting people who I can honestly say have taught me a thing or two, just by sharing their story with me.

Whether it’s through an interview, a meeting on Skype, or reading their newly released book, I’ve developed a new understanding about life’s complexities and daily challenges and how some people cope. Although every one of their stories is unique, they all share a common thread:

No matter who you are, rich or poor, famous or invisible, young or old, male or female, tall or short, ugly or beautiful…we all hit rough patches. It’s inevitable. Sometimes we’ll find ourselves stuck between hell and hope. My dad taught me that this is the time when you wait for the bell to ring. Then you muster up your strength and force “the fighter” in you to get back into the ring to take on another round. Failure isn’t an option. Winners are never quitters.

My dad, that NFL linebacker, who had taken some unforgiving hits, chose to rise up after every tackle. That last pile up was a real blow, took the wind out of his sail and was completely unfair. It forced him to think out of the box, adapt and learn how to play a new game in life.

I learned from my dad that when life hits hard, you have no other choice but to keep getting up, even if your knees are knocking and your legs are unsteady. Learning to appreciate and love the life you’ve been given is much better than missing or crying over an old life that’s been lost. It isn’t easy, but it’s necessary.

He also taught me that with every loss, there is always something to be gained. It’s usually not apparent and not on the surface. You have to dig deep and look for it, but once you find it, you know all the effort was well worth it.

I’m guessing, that if you’re reading this, you might be someone who just got word that you need to empty your office desk by Friday, or you’re experiencing some other loss or tragedy. If you needed a friendly reminder to take heart, then you clicked and landed on the right post.

Remember: “It’s just temporary.” Your luck has to change eventually.

So today I was thinking about my dad and felt the need to write about him. I’m very grateful that my dad taught me these life lessons at a young age and I’m hoping I’ve made him proud. I know that over this last rough patch, he’s been watching and rooting for me. Thanks Dad.

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2011

What is CRPS?

CRPS/RSD stands for Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS), also known as Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. It’s a chronic neurological syndrome characterized by:

• Chronic pain (in the form of stabbing, burning or shooting pain)
• Tissue swelling
• Loss of minerals in bone and changes in skin
• Extreme sensitivity to touch and temperature (excessive sweating)
• Headaches
• Muscle spasms

Not a common disease, it affects the limbs, nervous system and brain and there is no known cure (as to the date of this writing).

(You can find a complete description of CRPS symptoms in the Diagnosis Section of the Clinical Practice Guidelines on the RSDSA (Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Syndrome Association) website. It’s at this link: RSDSA Website

Ross McCreery: Educating and Inspiring Others

Ross is "Painfully Optimistic"

Ross McCreery’s life changed when he was diagnosed with CRPS six years ago. He’s a forty-year old, loving husband and family man, who has had to quit his job and become a stay at home dad due to his daily suffering of severe pain.

I met Ross a few months ago, and we spoke on Skype to talk about his book project (Ross plans to write a book on his experience with CRPS and hopes to help other sufferers by sharing what he has learned and how he’s kept optimistic, despite his daily challenges).

Ross is an inspiration to me because he refuses to allow his disease to diminish his love for life. He works hard to encourage others who are fighting the same battle and he educates people who are unfamiliar with CRPS.

He is the author of the blog, “Painfully Optimistic” where he writes about his disease and his personal experiences. His writing makes a difference to those who suffer from this disease or other diseases. He shares his thoughts and reflections in his writing and by doing so he has been able to help, encourage and inspire many people.

Recently he wrote on his blog:

“At the same time as having to live with the pain, one is faced with dealing with emotional issues that surface because of the illness. Let’s face it; having to deal with losing the movement in a limb and not know if it will ever come back can be traumatic!! This of course doesn’t affect only the person living with the CRPS but family and friends as well. Then there are financial stresses that get placed on some because they have to stop working. This was the case with me as I had to give up a good job and go on permanent disability. As you can see there are a multitude of things that a person has to deal with. Some of my earlier posts cover issues that you deal with when living with CRPS.”

“So what was the reason then for starting this site? Well, there are lots of reasons that I wanted to start this site. One was to get my story out and help raise awareness for CRPS. I wasn’t very lucky when it came to being diagnosed, in that it took about a year to get the diagnosis. Nobody could tell me what was wrong because they didn’t really know. I actually had to go to another city to be diagnosed. So the more we can educate people, the quicker people can get into treatment, reduce their pain or control their pain faster. That’s my hope.”

Why Ross is an inspiration:

I’m so proud of my friend. Instead of being self absorbed or feeling sorry for himself (having been dealt such an unfair and difficult blow, having to live with CRPS), Ross focuses on helping others by raising a level of awareness about the disease. He told me another reason for creating his site was to have a place CRPS sufferers could go to know they are not alone and find support.

He has said: “It can be scary and you feel like your whole world has been turned upside down. As your dealing with this, it’s important to give each other strength and support”

He also shares with his readers how his faith has been such an important part of getting through the hard times and giving him the strength to keep up the fight.

In Ross’s own words: “I want people to know that we don’t have to let the pain take over our lives, and that through a positive attitude that we can take on anything. This blog is really about giving people something real and helping people in whatever way that I can. From one week to the next, things are never the same. One week, I might be telling you about how I’m feeling and the next week; I might be giving you information on CRPS itself. I might even be telling you about my family and how this has affected them. What I try to do in my blog is cover the things that go on within a person’s life when you’re living with CRPS. It really depends on what’s on my mind and that’s the great thing about a blog.”

I hope you will visit “Painfully Optimistic” and become inspired.

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2011

“Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response.” ~Mildred Barthel

New Year’s Eve (2010) is now just a memory. Everyone has had time to reflect on the events of the past year and share hopes for this New Year.

Resolutions have been mentioned over champagne toasts but how many of them sounded superficial, unimportant or even self serving?

“This is the year I’ll lose weight.” or “This is the year I’ll buy that vacation cottage on the lake.” “This year I’ll be the top sales man in the office.”

I’ve been guilty in the past of making self serving resolutions too, but not this year. When the clock stroked midnight, I cheered and waved goodbye to one of the worst years of my life; a year filled with disappointments and hard knocks (unemployment, foreclosure and the end of a few very important relationships). I couldn’t wait for 2010 to be over, but after the toasting and cheers I started to wake up and walk out of my “little, poor me” fog.

Could it be that all my “unhappy endings” were really “great opportunities”?

It’s possible that the “bad luck” I complained about was actually just growing pains for the better person I’d become. The doors that closed were actually meant to slam shut. I ended where I was supposed to end up and that “something better”, although not easy to find, was always there but I didn’t recognize it as such. This new awareness didn’t happen overnight and most of the year I spent paddling against the current, trying to force what I wanted instead of what was meant to be. I couldn’t see it then, but I see it now. Once I changed my attitude, things started to get better. This year of struggle was like an adolescence; an awkward growing period filled with self doubt and wondering who I’m meant to be. Starting over is never easy, especially when you’re middle aged.

The reality is all the “bad stuff” was really a gift disguised in ugly wrapping paper.If  I hadn’t been laid off, I would have never met the many interesting and creative artists that I have met over this past year. Writing was always something that I had enjoyed, but I never thought in a million years people would actually “pay me” to do something that I loved and that came so naturally to me. Having a person from France post a message on my blog to thank me and tell me: “You’ve helped me so much.” was a real surprise. My writing helped her? That’s amazing to me.

And sure, losing the house brought a lot of heartache and yet when it was all said and done, I actually felt relieved. No more anxiety, “what ifs” or “what will I do if it happens” kept me awake at night. I sleep well now.

If I hadn’t been forced to think outside the box with my career choices, I never would have discovered the reward I feel when working with the elderly. Who knew I could learn so much about life just by listening to their stories and shared wisdom.

I’ll never forget Walter

Walter was an old gentlemen fighting arthritis and forced to live his life in a wheel chair. Extremely deaf, he’d laugh when his hearing aid didn’t work and make jokes about it. One time we were talking about his late wife and how he had worked his whole life to provide for her and his eight kids. He admitted that he was guilty of trying to keep up with the Jones’s; wanting the nicest house on the street, driving the fanciest car and playing golf with the rich and privileged. You’d never guess Walter was wealthy. He didn’t brag or talk about his money. He never made you feel like you were “less than” or just ordinary.

He told me how startled he was one day by looking into his bathroom mirror, ready to shave. Who was that old, old man staring back at him? This moment made him realize that life is just a blip. One blink and it’s done. As more friends and loved ones die off, material things are put in perspective. None of the “stuff” he worked so hard to acquire mattered anymore. All that mattered was knowing he did his best and lived everyday trying to do good and love the people who mattered most to him. He told me that helping others makes you rich, not the size of your pay check.

He told me: “I’ve never seen a U-Haul following a hearse. You don’t take it with you when you go.  In the end, we’re all the same. Even Donald Trump will end up only ashes and bones, lying in a box or filling up an urn… just like the rest of us.”

I used to love seeing Walter every Tuesday. He would make me laugh, think differently about things or appreciate things that I took for granted. Who knew that watching squirrels play or birds perch on a tree limb outside a bedroom window could be seen as entertainment? Walter knew and he lived everyday like it was his last; making sure he smiled at everyone he met and helped others when he could. He made a difference in my life.

Last Tuesday

I thought it would be like all the others and I looked forward to talking to Walter when time permitted. But last Tuesday was different. Walter’s bed had been stripped bare. The pictures of all his grandchildren had been removed from his bedroom walls and his wheel chair was gone. Last Tuesday Walter died.

It made me feel empty… at first. I knew I’d always miss him, but I’d always carry him in my heart. Last week I  kept hearing Walter’s voice and his laughter. I heard him tell me as he had a thousand times;

“Hang in there kid, your luck will change. Life is change, never stays the same. You’ll be okay my dear. Just hold on and adjust your sails to where the wind blows. You’ll see better days, I’m sure of it!”

I never would have met Walter if I hadn’t been laid off. Knowing him was a gift.

This year my resolution is to live life one day at a time

Take time to stop and breathe; appreciate the little things, like a beautiful butterfly landing on a flower petal. Walter used to enjoy that when I took him outside in his wheelchair last spring.

The worst year of my life may have ended, but I’d be wrong not to admit that it was also a year of blessings. It gave me Walter, a renewed love for writing and time to understand that “stuff” doesn’t mean a damn. My focus is on what matters; the people I love, not material goods.

Here’s to 2011 and…

Here’s to you Walter.

“Only one thing has to change for us to know happiness in our lives: where we focus our attention.”~ Greg Anderson

If you’re looking to read from another personal blog on this topic (and self improvement), check out my friend Timethief’s blog at this link:

http://thistimethisspace.com/2010/03/30/how-to-create-authentic-happiness/

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2011

(This video shows actual footage of WWII. Lou was aboard one of these ships when he was shot at by the Japanese.)

Make sure you read Part I first~click this link:

Do you believe in Angels ? (Part I)

Lou’s story:

It was a hot summer night, in the summer of 1982. Lou was an EMT (Emergency Medical Technician) for the town’s police department. He drove an old station wagon with jump seats because back then, this was the type of police vehicle used for responding to emergency calls.

The night started out like any other. Lou was alone (he didn’t usually work with a partner) when the dispatcher alerted him to news of a car crash. The accident happened in a densely populated area by the state forest. It was in the southern part of the town, where there were few street lights. Lou knew the area well and expected the area to be very dark, even in the bright summer moonlight.

He was the first one on the scene.

He spotted the two door car right away because it was billowing smoke. He pulled his car off to the side of the road, swung open his door and ran to the totaled vehicle, no longer a car but mangled metal. Only one door, the driver’s side door, was approachable. The passenger side was cemented to the trunk of a large tree, looking like it had been “swallowed” by the old tall fir.

There was steam coming out of the hood and it bothered Lou that he couldn’t see any movement inside. Peering into the window, he saw a woman in her thirties,conscious and bleeding on the car floor. She was lying on her back and moaning. Lou saw she was trapped because her left foot was stuck under the clutch.

Lou had to get the woman out of the car quickly because he feared the car might ignite at any moment. Risking his own life to save the victim, he struggled with the car door but it was cemented shut. He fought with it, using the strength of a marine, but the car door refused to open. Lou wasn’t distracted by the symphony of sirens and the blue and red swirling lights, rapidly approaching. The police cruisers and fire engines had come to assist and were forming a circle around the accident, making a barricade. They were also blocking the road so no curious townies could get in.

A stranger appeared:

As Lou struggled to pry the door open, he felt a hand rest on his left shoulder. Startled, he turned his head and saw a short, stout woman, barefoot and Lou guessed she couldn’t have been taller than five feet, two inches. He remembers that she had unusually large arms for a woman and was wearing a long dress. Her short, black hair that reminded him of a popular cartoon character, Betty Boop, because it was cut in flapper style with her wavy bangs, bowl shaped, framing her very fair skin. He can’t remember her face, only in his opinion, her face was homely. Staring at her, Lou wondered how she made it through the barricade but didn’t have long to ponder. As quickly as she had appeared out of nowhere, she pushed Lou one side telling him in a calm voice; “Move over love…”

In a split second, he watched the strange woman pull the car door off, using only one hand! Then Lou quickly moved in, working hard to free the woman’s foot in order to pull her out of the steaming wreckage. Just as Lou began pulling the victim, he could feel the car slowly moving backwards. As the car pulled away, it’s force caused Lou to fall backwards onto the ground, bringing the injured woman with him. While lying on his back, with the victim still lying on top of him, both saw that the car was now fifteen feet away and they watched the car ignite into flames. Lou said the explosion seemed to shake the whole forest.

Watching the fiery flames, questions ran through his head: “How was it that the car was no longer “swallowed” by the tree?” ” How could it have rolled away like that?” Lou couldn’t answer these questions. All he knew, was that he and the victim were lucky. If the car hadn’t rolled away, they both would have burned to death.

So, then what happened?

Both Lou and the woman suffered minor burns and injuries and were brought to the hospital but before Lou left the scene or would agree to get into the ambulance, he needed to speak with his good friend, also assisting at the scene, the town’s Captain of the Fire Department .

Lou: “Where did the lady go?”

Captain: “What lady?”

Lou: “The lady! (Lou was annoyed) She was short, fat, arms like Hulk… You had to have seen her!…She ripped the door off so I could get the victim out.”

Captain: “Lou, you’ve got some bad burns around your head…Maybe you bumped your head too…There was no lady. No way could anyone get in, not even by foot. It’d be impossible, Lou…We had the car surrounded… none could get by us…Get in the buggy…Go…Get checked out, Lou….You did good work tonight…now go and take care of yourself…”

Lou got in the ambulance, feeling like he might be going crazy. He thought to himself; “Oh boy…I must be losing it…it must be all the adrenaline…maybe the smoke…”

He tried putting the strange sighting out of his mind. He wanted to believe the Captain. Maybe it was the fall…How else could you explain it?

At the hospital

Lou was quickly checked out and told he could be released. Sitting in a wheelchair by the emergency door, his head was wrapped in bandages and he was fighting the worst head ache of his life. (Well, almost the worst. He told me it wasn’t as bad as the headache he got during World War II, aboard the Navy Sea Vessel…The Japanese aircraft had hovered over head..then a spray of bullets showered the ship…one had lodged in his head…that was worst headache of his life.)

Staring out the window, he was so focused, looking for his wife, that he didn’t even see the tall stranger walk out of the elevator and approach him from behind.

“So, here you are! The town’s newest hero!”

Lou turned his head slightly, straining to peer over his shoulder to see whose voice was greeting him. The man could see Lou’s discomfort, and quickly moved in front of his wheel chair and extended his hand. As the two men shook hands, the stranger introduced himself. He was the husband of the victim Lou had saved. She was being admitted and asked her husband to find Lou in order to thank him for rescuing her.

Lou: “No need to thank me. How is she?”

Stranger: “She’s going to be okay…They’re admitting her and she’s sore… but she’ll be okay.”

Lou: “I’m glad to hear it.”

Stranger: “Could I get the name and address of the woman who helped you save my wife? We both would like to send her flowers as a thank you.”

Lou was shocked. This man’s wife saw the woman too? The Captain had been wrong? He wasn’t going crazy? The short woman was real, just like Lou believed she had been real?

This news made him uncomfortable, but it also validated his feelings. As incredible as it seemed…as impossible as it was to break through any barricade made with engines, cruisers and officers…The strange woman had been there…Lou knew it had to be true!…The victim saw her too!…What a relief!

Lou: “What did your wife tell you about this woman?”

Stranger: “She only said that the woman appeared out of nowhere and it was so fast she couldn’t get a good look at her. All she noticed was that she was very fat, had dark hair and was able to pull the car door off. She couldn’t believe the woman’s strength! Then she said she saw you, and as you were pulling her out, she felt the car moving backward and then she fell on top of you. She heard the explosion and saw the car fire, but the woman who helped you was gone.”

Lou: “That’s how it happened…I don’t know who the woman was. When we fell out of the car, we saw the explosion…but like your wife said…By that time, the woman was gone.”

By this point of the conversation, Lou’s wife had arrived. Racing through the hospital’s electric door, she spotted her husband and her expression quickly changed from worry to relief. Smiling, she raced to her husband, threw her arms around him and kissed him on the cheek. She hadn’t yet acknowledging the stranger who was smiling, watching their warm reunion, when Lou pointed to the stranger and introduced him to his wife. The three lingered for a few more minutes, exchanged small talk, then parted ways.

Later:

Lou said when he returned to work, he told his story to his police buddies but they didn’t believe him. After hearing the story, most of them, if not all, shaked their heads and teased him. “Must have gotten a pretty good bump there on your noggin, Lou! …Seeing ghosts in the forests?…”Maybe you need a vacation.”

Even his wife had a hard time believing him, so Lou decided not to talk about it again. But he did talk to his sister, the nun. She believed him and so did the bishop. Lou didn’t care what the others thought because he knew it had happened.

“How else can you explain the victim seeing her too?”, Lou asked me.

I just shook my head, taking it all in, not knowing what to say. But I knew my friend and he was intelligent, brave and not crazy. So, I wanted to believe what he was telling me.

Today:

To this day, Lou thinks about that night, convinced that he had witnessed something that was bizarre and inexplicable. Damn all the skeptics; he knows what he saw…

As sure as he was shot in the head, hip and arm by enemy fire during World War II…As sure as he had heard the aircraft overhead… only a boy, age sixteen, who lied about his age so he could go to war for his country… As sure as he remembers anxiously waiting to launch and fight his first battle off the shores of Peleliu…As sure as he can roll up his shirt sleeve to show me his scars, made from all the bullets.

He points one scar out to me as the one that is different from the rest. “See this one?”, Lou asks me. “This one went through my arm and see?” Lou shows me how he can’t move three of his fingers on his left hand. The bullets left his young fingers paralyzed….young fingers, now old and curled from arthritis…

As sure as he lived through that hot September night during the war…He lived through another hot summer night in 1982…

Lou remembers the stranger’s touch, her push, her words (“Move out of the way, love.”) and her strength. If he imagined it, then…

” How do you explain the victim seeing her too?”

I just shook my head again and shrugged my shoulders. I didn’t have the answer.

It doesn’t matter what anyone else believes…

Lou believes…On a hot summer night back in 1982…

He had seen an angel.

How would you explain it?

“The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they’re gone.” ~George Eliot

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2010

(This video is a funny clip taken from the movie, “Michael, the Archangel”. Jean Stapleton is being questioned by Andie MacDowell on her “angel sighting”-Gotta love Jean Stapleton!)

Charles Fort (1874-1932) is the best known collector of paranormal experiences. Despite questions on the credibility of Fort’s way to present evidence (skeptics point out that scientific investigation cannot explain the cases), anecdotal reporting remains to be the popular approach used to record paranormal phenomena.

Paranormal is a term that defines an experience outside normal or scientific explanation. The phenomena can’t be understood, explained or measured scientifically. Organizations, like the United States National Science Foundation, maintain that scientific evidence is unable to support a variety of beliefs that have been characterized as paranormal. Despite their claims and even before 1920, when the term paranormal was coined, popular culture has shared ghost stories, spiritual occurrences and UFO sightings. The church or religious sect may refer to some “paranormal experiences” as “spiritual occurrences”.  Whatever the label, people who have experienced such an event are believers in a world that is beyond our sight and understanding.

I’ve always been a skeptic, until yesterday.

I was spending the morning with Lou, a retired marine from the 1st division, who had received two purple hearts after serving in War II. He’s also a retired police officer, a loving family man and a respected member in the community. Lou is still enjoying life, at eighty-something-years-young.

I visit him frequently and yesterday we were discussing a book I had just finished reading. I was describing one chapter that had fascinated me and it involved a “spiritual occurrence”. As I described the bizarre happening, Lou listened intently. At one point in my story, his eyes enlarged and he leaned forward, fascinated by story details. When I was through, he sat back in his chair and for a moment I watched him drift away from me, deep in his own personal thoughts. Suddenly, the room’s silence was broken and the gentle man sitting across from me got emotional.

Lou: “I believe it….you know…I had a miracle like that happen to me…it was so long ago…but I remember it like yesterday…”

Me: ” A miracle?”

Lou: “Well…not a miracle… My sister is a nun…She asked some priests about it…She even visited the bishop to ask him for his opinion…The bishop called it a spiritual occurrence… There’s no other way to explain it.”

Me: “What was it?…the miracle?….I mean…what happened?..What’s a spiritual occurrence?”

Lou: “It was a long time ago. I don’t even remember the month, but it was a hot night… I think the year was…”

Lou wrinkled his brow as he struggled to remember. Then he pointed to a plaque hanging on the wall.

Lou: “Go check the date on that plaque. The town gave it to me…It’ll tell you the year…The town had a special dinner in my honor…and for some firefighters too…because of that night.”

I walked across the room and read the plaque.

Me: “It says 1982.”

Lou: “Well if that’s what it says… ”

Lou looked down at his hands that were folded on his lap. He closed his eyes and started to drift away again…only this time…he was taking me with him…

Lou: “As long as I live…I’ll never forget that night.”

Click this link to read his story: Lou’s Story

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2010

Allen Loomis: One Powerful Writer

Today’s new media offers a variety of reading material that’s easily discovered with one mouse click, but searching for relevant news and information is like diving into the deep. You’re looking for value, but some days you come up empty.

Let’s face it; you can’t always believe what you read on the web. The author isn’t always an expert and the information may be unreliable, based on opinion, not facts. The article may even be a copy-cat; the ugly clone floating on internet waves, disguised as his brother, a true thoroughbred.  Unlike the original article, written with authority, technical style, and intelligence, the clone is worthless. When you shut down your lap top, you feel cheated, realizing you just wasted the last 30 minutes of your life, diving into the wrong side of the pool.

In a virtual sea of blogs, online magazines and newspapers, it’s not easy to find well written, informative and interesting posts that motivate. What sites are worth bookmarking? What quality writing will transform the kid wearing “swimmies” into a champion, repeat diver?

A-hoy- there-Saad Ismail:  I just discovered a pearl!

You don’t have to be a professional sea diver, like Saad Ismail, to know when you’ve struck it rich. So last week, after swimming aimlessly on the net, I finally got lucky and landed on Allen Loomis’ home page. I felt like a newbie diver finding his first pearl in the South Sea.

So why am I gushing?

This blog is one of a kind, motivational and inspiring. The writing is intelligent and thought provoking. It actually has substance and the author is on a mission. On his blog, Success Demands Action: Your Self Improvement Blog, Allen Loomis gave me permission to copy and paste his “About” page, to help you understand who this man is and why he writes.

Here’s an excerpt:

“An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Allen Loomis is the founder and author of the highly successful self improvement blog SuccessDemandsAction.net. He has written over 500 articles focusing on the enhancement of other people’s lives. His articles cover a wide variety of self help topics including relationships, productivity, and spirituality. Allen is in the process of writing his first self improvement book The Power of Action.

Allen grew up in a less than humble environment to say the least. His parents had many hardships and Allen was the oldest of four. His parents were loving and caring people. He often wondered why bad things kept happening to good people. His parents were in a destructive cycle and this question consumed him all throughout his youth.

While searching for answers he stumbled across Napoleon Hill’s book Think and Grow Rich. That was a major turning point in his life, and Allen was forever changed because of it. This event sparked a flame in him. He had found his life passion. He has read countless amounts of self improvement books and is in the process of writing his own.

Allen now teaches others what he has learned in his quest for Success. With SuccessDemandsAction.net he aims to help all the good people of the world in bad cycles. His goal is to teach people how to destroy their destructive patterns and help them achieve their full potential. He believes that The Power of Action can create a life full of joy and excitement where all dreams become possible.

“Two roads diverged in a wood,
and I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”
-Robert Frost

Allen’s personal goal is to teach as many people as possible the power of action. He believes that the hardest part of any successful endeavor is taking the first step. This blog teaches people how to take the first step and then motivates them to keep moving forward!”

What else will you find?

You’ll find life changing books, inspirational videos, self improvement quotes, and terrific articles. One of my favorite posts: “11 Reasons Why You Can’t Quit” is a great pep talk for anyone discouraged and feeling like the golden ring on the merry go round is impossible to reach. “50 Ways to Find Inspiration When You’re Feeling Down” is a great anecdote for anyone who’s in a slump and beginning to think too much like Eeyore,Winnie the Pooh’s pal, the old grey donkey, from the 100 Acre Woods.

The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (1977)

Christopher Robin: “There now. Did I get your tail back on properly, Eeyore?”

Eeyore: “No matter. Most likely lose it again anyway.”

So if you’re the type of reader, always on the lookout for new talent, then I highly recommend Allen’s blog. It’s a breath of fresh air that will invigorate you.

SuccessDemandsAction.net is a genuine pearl in a virtual sea of blogs.

Most surfers will feel lucky to have discovered it!

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2010