“That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is a popular phrase that Friedrich Nietzsche, the German philosopher, started. Many Americans have adopted this idea that pain and suffering make you stronger and that any loss, (whether it’s a job loss, the ending of a meaningful relationship, or any event filed under the rainy-day-umbrella for “hard knocks”) will bring about personal growth. However, I question the truth of this common saying.

Noam Shpancer, Ph.D., is a professor of psychology at Otterbein College and a practicing clinical psychologist in Columbus, Ohio. In his article, What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Weaker: A history of hardship is not a life asset, he points out:

“Now it is true that, in an evolutionary sense, those who survive a calamity are by definition the fittest. But it is not the calamity that made them so. For our minds, however, the leap is short between seeing the strong emerge from a calamity and concluding that they are strong because of the calamity. But the bulk of psychological research on the topic shows that, as a rule, if you are stronger after hardship, it is probably despite, not because of the hardship. The school of hard knocks does little more than knock you down, hard. Nietzschian–and country song–wisdom notwithstanding, we are not stronger in the broken places. What doesn’t kill us in fact makes us weaker.” (To read more…)

Maybe the ability to control negative thinking and forbid anxiety to take over our lives is what nurtures personal strength. Maybe, having the right attitude, despite any below- the- belt- life-punch, is what makes a person strong and we  survive and become stronger because we believe in our own ability to be resilient and adaptable.

Christine Thiele is a free lance writer and former professional and volunteer youth minister. Since her husband’s death in 2005 from pancreas cancer, her writing has been focused on grief and healing issues. (To read her blog, visit Memoirs From Widows Island…)

In her article, What Doesn’t Kill Me…Makes Me Surrender, she shares her wisdom on this topic.

“To me, it is surrender.  I have learned that for me, what didn’t kill me taught me that I had very little control of this life I lead.  It has taught me to surrender my life every day.  I wake up, I realize another day has come, and I live that day.  I don’t often live tomorrow or yesterday, I live today.”

In remembering her late husband she wrote:

“So, what didn’t kill me…maybe didn’t make me stronger, but more aware that love really is the way through our lives.  Love is the healing ale that keeps me moving, breathing, surviving and surrendering every day. So, for this love, this particular love for my husband that didn’t kill me…it made me more capable of loving more deeply, humbly, honestly and completely.” (To read more…)

Noam Shpancer, Ph.D, wrote another great article, For Sound Mental Health, Choose Your Metaphors Wisely; The quality of your life depends on the quality of your questions. I love what he had to say on this topic. In this article, he discusses changing your point of view and asking the right questions. He writes:

“The incisive existential therapist Victor Frenkl, for example, famously recognized that one’s resilience in the face of life’s unpredictable twists and turns may hinge on the ability to stop asking, “What do I want out of life?” and start asking, “What does life want out of me?” Of surviving the Nazi concentration camps, Frenkl wrote: “It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life-daily and hourly.” (To read more…)

So instead of saying “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger” shouldn’t we say “I am resilient. I will adapt. I refuse to be broken”?  In my opinion, the messages that we send to our brain is what will make us strong.

No break up or financial loss should be given power over us. And like Kelly Clarkson sings to her (imagined or real) ex lover;

“The day you left is just my new beginning…”   She’s got the right attitude!

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“It is impossible to go through life without trust: that is to be imprisoned in the worst cell of all, oneself.”~ Graham Greene

We live in a world where people disappoint us. Whether it is a new bride, like Kim Kardashian, reneging her wedding vows, a man (like Ashton Kutcher) caught cheating on his beautiful spouse, or a best friend caught in a lie,  trust can be broken without a minute’s warning.

When tough times hit, it’s hard to believe the cliche’ “Everything will be okay.”  And yet this belief is necessary to go on.

Trust is both an emotional and logical act.

We’re born trusting others and trusting that our dreams will come true, and yet the years scrape away at our innocence. Negative experiences bring about the realization that not everyone is trustworthy and life can be a crap shoot.

But I love Nan S. Russell’s opinion on the topic of trust. She wrote in her article, Building Trust in a Skeptical Era, that it is possible to rebuild our trust and not having trust can lead to negative results. She writes:

“Reduced trust impacts relationships, bottom-lines, innovative solutions, cooperative endeavors, and well-being.”

She also writes:

“Scientists at Emory University have discovered that, ” the small, brave act of cooperating with another person, of choosing trust over cynicism, generosity over selfishness, makes the brain light up with quiet joy.” (To read more of her article…)

Changing minds.org lists the many benefits of trusting and suggests that there is a cost to not having trust. They write:

“Not trusting others is an isolating action. If you do not get close to others you will not have friends to call on when you are troubled. Distrusting also adds the cost of stress in terms of the personal worry and anxiety about what the other people may do.” (To read more…)

So, whether it is in the workplace or in a personal relationship, how do you learn to build trust?

According to wikihow.com, there are steps you can take to learn how to trust again. The nineteen steps include ideas like “speak your feelings” to “show openness” and “be neutral when placed in difficult predicaments.”  (To learn more…)

Frank Crane said it best: “You can be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough.”

My belief (for what it’s worth):

Hope is based on trust. Without hope, it’s difficult to get through this life. It’s best to learn how to trust.

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“Creativity seems to emerge from multiple experiences, coupled with a well-supported development of personal resources, including a sense of freedom to venture beyond the known.”~Loris Malaguzzi

Creativity is valuable and has been studied over the years. It’s the phenomenon of making novel associations and creating something new and original.Creativity has been present in several disciplines that include science, mathematics, education, philosophy, psychology, sociology and technology. Most people associate creativity with the fields of art and literature.

Ludwig Lewisohn (1882-1955) was a novelist and critic, born in Berlin and brought as a child to the U.S. He wrote The Creative Life in 1924. In it, he devotes a whole chapter on literature and life and what influences creativity.

In his Epilogue, he wrote about Goethe, the critic:

“That critical philosophy may be quite briefly formulated: (1) Art is personal and creates its own laws by what it is; (2) art is the expression of concrete experience; (3) the concretely real is the universally significant.”

Jan Phillips, an award-winning photographer, writer, multimedia artist, and national workshop leader, authored the book, Marry Your Muse: Making a Lasting Commitment to Your Creativity.

Douglas Eby wrote an article on her interview with the Sounds True site. Eby’s article stated:

In an interview for the Sounds True site, she talks about other aspects of our thinking, attitudes and inner life that can prevent or allow greater access to our creativity. Here is an excerpt:

Jan Phillips: It helps to get clear about the whole point of creative expression, since so many of us have been trained to think of it as a self-indulgent or frivolous activity that should only be engaged in when everyone else’s needs have been tended to first. But it is only our creative work that really matters. We came here to create. Our souls had a divine purpose and they needed our bodies to fulfill it. This purpose—whatever it is—is only achieved through our creative and imaginative expressions.

The question is never “Am I creative?” The question is “What am I being called upon to create at this point?”

To be aware of our own potential and calling to contribute is an important part of the creative process.

Being conscious is the first step—conscious of our words, thoughts, and ways of being with others. Paying attention to who we are and coming to grips with why we’re here is a crucial part of the creative process in my opinion.

Because the work we put out into the world has a force of its own, and we want to be mindful of that—mindful of what we’re up to, why we’re up to it, and how we’re going to accomplish it.”

She believes the Muse, or creative spirit is within us all.

Shelley H. Carson, Ph.D. wrote in her article Creativity and the Aging Brain: Use the powers of the aging brain to enhance creativity.

In her article, she makes comparisons between the aging brain and the creative brain. She writes:

“The aging brain is characterized by a broadening focus of attention. Numerous studies suggest that highly creative individuals also employ a broadened rather than focused state of attention. This state of widened attention allows the individual to have disparate bits of information in mind at the same time. Combining remote bits of information is the hallmark of the creative idea.”

She also writes:

“Other studies show that certain areas of the prefrontal cortex involved in self-conscious awareness and emotions are thinner in the aging brain. This may correlate with the diminished need to please and impress others, which is a notable characteristic of both aging individuals and creative luminaries. Both older individuals and creative types are more willing to speak their minds and disregard social expectations than are their younger, more conventional counterparts.”

Do we have to wait until we’re old to discover our creative potential?

According to a Time Magazine science article,The Hidden Secrets of the Creative Mind, the answer to that question is no. The article points out:

“No one has a better overview of this mysterious mental process than Washington University psychologist R. Keith Sawyer, author of the new book Explaining Creativity: The Science of Human Innovation (Oxford; 336 pages). In an interview with Francine Russo, Sawyer shares some of his findings and suggests ways in which we can enhance our creativity not just in art, science or business but in everyday life.

Sawyer shares:

“Many people believe creativity comes in a sudden moment of insight and that this “magical” burst of an idea is a different mental process from our everyday thinking. But extensive research has shown that when you’re creative, your brain is using the same mental building blocks you use every day—like when you figure out a way around a traffic jam.

Studying notebooks, manuscripts and historical records, we’ve dissected the creative process of people like the Wright brothers, Charles Darwin, T.S. Eliot, Jackson Pollock, even business innovators like Citigroup’s John Reed. We find that creativity happens not with one brilliant flash but in a chain reaction of many tiny sparks while executing an idea.

Ideas don’t magically appear in a genius’ head from nowhere. They always build on what came before. And collaboration is key. Look at what others in your field are doing. Brainstorm with people in different fields. Research and anecdotal evidence suggest that distant analogies lead to new ideas—like when a heart surgeon bounces things off an architect or a graphic designer.

No one can be creative at everything. You have to work hard in your area. All the research shows that the creative process is basically the same: generating ideas, evaluating them and executing them, with many creative sparks over time. The role of collaboration may be more obvious in business than in writing, but even apparently solitary creators like writers read constantly and talk to one another.”

He also gives advice on how to be more creative.

“Take risks, and expect to make lots of mistakes, because creativity is a numbers game. Work hard, and take frequent breaks, but stay with it over time. Do what you love, because creative breakthroughs take years of hard work. Develop a network of colleagues, and schedule time for freewheeling, unstructured discussions. Most of all, forget those romantic myths that creativity is all about being artsy and gifted and not about hard work. They discourage us because we’re waiting for that one full-blown moment of inspiration. And while we’re waiting, we may never start working on what we might someday create.”

(Read more…)

I’d have to agree with him. There’s an old Japanese Proverb that says: “I will master something. Then creativity will come.”

In my opinion, you don’t have to be Einstein to tap into your creative soul.

REFERENCES:

1. James D. Hart and and Phillip W. Leininger. “Lewisohn, Ludwig.” The Oxford Companion to American Literature. 1995. Encyclopedia.com. (August 4, 2011). http://www.encyclopedia.com/doc/1O123-LewisohnLudwig.html
2. The Creative Life. Contributors: Ludwig Lewisohn – author. Publisher: Boni and Liveright. Place of Publication: New York. Publication Year: 1924. Page Number: 205.

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The mind and behavior, can be traced back to ancient Greece and Egypt. Theorists have introduced variant perspectives of “what makes us tick” and the focus has been on understanding dysfunctional behavior in order to help the mentally ill.

In 1998, Martin Seligman and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi suggested a new focus; one on positive human functioning to help individuals. Positive Psychology is not intended to replace traditional study, but it’s a new movement focused on the study of how to live a happier and more fulfilling life.

Learning how to achieve emotional well-being is a popular topic today. Just type “self-improvement or personal development” and the number of hits is astounding.

Why is developing a positive attitude and outlook important?

Being emotionally healthy does not mean you won’t encounter challenging times. However, it may indicate that you will “bounce back” more successfully than the “my glass is half empty” persona.

Melinda Smith, M.A., Robert Segal, M.A., and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D. contributed to the article, Improving Emotional Health: Strategies and Tips for Good Mental Health. 

They defined mental health as:

“Mental or emotional health refers to your overall psychological well-being. It includes the way you feel about yourself, the quality of your relationships, and your ability to manage your feelings and deal with difficulties.
Good mental health isn’t just the absence of mental health problems. Being mentally or emotionally healthy is much more than being free of depression, anxiety, or other psychological issues. Rather than the absence of mental illness, mental and emotional health refers to the presence of positive characteristics. Similarly, not feeling bad is not the same as feeling good. While some people may not have negative feelings, they still need to do things that make them feel positive in order to achieve mental and emotional health.”

They also reported:

“Unfortunately, too many people take their mental and emotional health for granted – focusing on it only when they develop problems. But just as it requires effort to build or maintain physical health, so it is with mental and emotional health. The more time and energy you invest in your emotional health, the stronger it will be. The good news is that there are many things you can do to boost your mood, build resilience, and get more enjoyment out of life.”

They list tips and strategies for taking care of yourself that include getting a pet to discovering new things (Read more…)

According to Changingminds.org, happiness correlates to relationships, health, experience, and even religion (To read more…)

They also report that there are three key routes to happiness:

• Sensory Hedonism: Pleasure through direct experience.
• Achievable Challenge: Happiness from hard work.
• Devoted Service: Happiness by helping others.

They provide a long list on specific things you can do to achieve happiness that include living an active life to living in the moment (To read more techniques…)

Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., is a Professor of Psychology at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. In her article, Resilience, coping, and faith: How our beliefs help us through a crisis, she shares an “action plan” for getting through the tough times.

Her action plan includes incorporating positive-self-statements and refusing to give in to the temptation of quitting. (To read more…)

Christopher Peterson is professor of psychology at the University of Michigan and in his article, What is Positive Psychology, and What Is It Not?, he clarifies the importance of what the science of Positive Psychology has uncovered.

He wrote:

“Consider what has been learned in recent years about the psychological good life, none of which was mentioned in any of the psychology courses I took a few decades ago:

• Most people are happy.
• Happiness is a cause of good things in life and not simply along for the happy ride. People who are satisfied with life eventually have even more reason to be satisfied, because happiness leads to desirable outcomes at school and work, to fulfilling social relationships, and even to good health and long life.
• Most people are resilient.
• Happiness, strengths of character, and good social relationships are buffers against the damaging effects of disappointments and setbacks.
• Crisis reveals character.
• Other people matter mightily if we want to understand what makes like most worth living.
• Religion matters.
• And work matters as well if it engages the worker and provides meaning and purpose.
• Money makes an ever-diminishing contribution to well-being, but money can buy happiness if it is spent on other people.
• As a route to a satisfying life, eudaimonia trumps hedonism.
• The “heart” matters more than the “head.” Schools explicitly teach critical thinking; they should also teach unconditional caring.
• Good days have common features: feeling autonomous, competent, and connected to others.

The Good Life Can Be Taught

Even if your temperament is to see only the ugly, the brain can be “re-programmed.” It is possible to learn resilience and how to greet each day with a smile.

Frances Cohen Praver, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and relational psychoanalyst and author.

In her article, The Brain Is the Seat of Love,she said it best by writing:

“”It may seem impossible, but it is not. There is hope. The brain is plastic which means that it can reshape itself.”

Learning how to “reshape” or “reframe” our thinking is worth the effort. Positive Psychology is teaching us that even if we are going through the darkest of days, it’s possible to still believe that “life is good.”

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The sunlight filtered in through the bedroom curtains and my puppy began to bark. This was my alarm clock. I clutched my pillow and buried my head, wishing I could go back to sleep. “Sleep, come free me” was the last thought I had last night. In my sleep, I’m free from worry. My chaotic life, mounting bills, struggling to find work…everything disappears in sleep.

I didn’t welcome this morning’s alarm, but surprisingly the first thought I had was a positive one; “One day at a time…you have today…don’t think about tomorrow…embrace today…maybe I should write.”

I have today...maybe I should write...

I haven’t been writing much for myself these days. I guess life gets in the way, but I decided to write today. Strangely, writing brings me joy. I’m not sure why. It’s therapeutic at times.

The Psychology of writing has been a topic that has always interested me. Some of my best writing comes when I’m dealing with raw, powerful emotion. It’s finding freedom by fearlessly standing naked, making sense out of confusion or upset.

Writing has power. It can turn a gray day into a day filled with rainbows, if I write with abandon; not worrying how it will be perceived.

Alice Weaver Flaherty wrote a great book on the topic: “The Midnight Disease: The Drive to Write, Writer’s Block and the Creative Brain”. In her book, she discusses the biological and emotional influences on the writing process

In David L. Nathan’s review of Flaherty’s book, he wrote:

“She conveys a sense of fragility in the writer’s craft. She draws on her professional background and personal difficulties to explain what can make someone write at a pace so fast that it seems almost involuntary. She also examines how other factors, such as depression or brain injuries, can prevent a writer from producing at all.”

I’d have to agree with this point. Depression can definitely hinder the writing process; the act of turning away from the things that you love. At the same time, mania might power a writing surge. I think of Hemingway who suffered from Bipolar Disorder and his quote “There’s nothing to writing. You  just sit at the typewriter and bleed.”

Catherine McCall, M.S., L.M.F.T., a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, wrote a great article called, Writing and Healing: Exploring the Power of the Written Word in Mental and Physical Well-being.

In her article, she cites other publications that support the notion that writing can heal the soul.

She writes:

“The more people described positive emotions in their writing, the more likely they were to be healthier afterward. But describing negative emotions either excessively or very little or not at all correlated with poorer health. Describing negative emotions in moderation correlated with improved health. Thus, we profit most from understanding positive and negative aspects.

Once organized, events become smaller and smaller and therefore easier to deal with. Writing moves us to resolution; it becomes psychologically complete and therefore there’s no need to ruminate about it, beyond the trauma. Southern author Rosemary Daniel says it best, in THE WOMAN WHO SPILLED WORDS ALL OVER HERSELF:

“…each time I wrote about my pain, I would feel the stitching and restitching inside my brain, as though festering tissue was actually being trimmed away and sealed over, to at last heal. The longer each book had taken to write, the longer had been the revision process and the stronger the fabric of that healing.”

Even Stephen King has been quoted:

“A little talent is a good thing to have if you want to be a writer. But the only real requirement is the ability to remember every scar. You can approach the act of writing with nervousness, excitement, hopefulness, or even despair–the sense that you can never completely put on the page what’s in your mind and heart. You can come to the act with your fists clenched and your eyes narrowed, ready to kick ass and take down names. You can come to it because you want a girl to marry you or because you want to change the world. Come to it any way but lightly. Let me say it again: you must not come lightly to the blank page.”

After reading Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg, I learned the value of free writing. It’s a way to be present and tap into my creativity or any topic that inspires. It’s not hard to do; just dedicate a set time (every day) to write…and today, the joy came back. I greeted the day with optimism by deciding to free write.

It was like meeting an old friend for lunch. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed it until I became engaged with it again.

I believe there is a psychology to writing. The good writers know how to create novelty with value. It’s purposeful, meditative, sometimes emotional.

It’s the soup for what ails me and today it delivered a gift. The recognition that I have today…I should be grateful…tomorrow will take care of itself somehow…if I remember to write…

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Article first published on BrooWaha as “The Games People Play”

John Lennon wrote a song about it; suspense thriller novels have been based on it; even romantic comedies poke fun at it. Let’s face it: we all could be cast on Survivor; Redemption Island, in the way we play games with one another.

Dr. Eric Berne (1910-1970), a Canadian-born psychiatrist, developed Transactional Analysis, methods based on social psychology theory. The methods used help develop awareness and understanding behind our motives when we interact with other people. This understanding leads to change: making better choices; alter responses that are counterproductive; or make changes in negative belief systems and dysfunctional behaviors. To read more…

Dr. Eric Berne became famous after his book, Games People Play, was published in 1964. In it, Berne defined certain behavioral patterns as “games.”

There are many games people play.

Some are destructive, some may be beneficial, and some are complex. Berne believed dysfunctional behavior resulted from childhood choices that were made for survival.

The “Game List”published on ChangingMinds.org includes:

Attraction-Rejection Game – is the classic lovers’ alternating chase game.

Blame Game – avoiding responsibility by blaming others.

Catch me Game – is about the thrill of the chase.

Clever me Game – seeking approval for things done well.

The Drama Triangle – The persecutor, victim and rescuer story.

Poor me Game – seeking sympathy by expounding on ills.

Recognize me Game: seeking attention to assuage limited self-esteem.

Save me Game – seeking salvation.

Status Game – elevating social position.

Stop me Game – the self-harm of addicts and others to get attention.

War Game – Destructive two-sided conflict.

To read more common games…

Why is understanding how we participate in games important?

Understanding the “Why” behind our behavior and the choices we make will help one to recognize destructive behavior patterns that seem to repeat themselves. This understanding and awareness is the catalyst for change.

Each repeated transaction, the communication exchanges between two people, will influence how we think, feel and see ourselves. Our transactions are not solely the words that we choose to deliver our message. Our transaction includes how we say those words (punitively, authoritatively or compassionately) and our temperament (hostile, angry or calm). How we interact during the transaction determines how the game will be played out.

Understanding what’s going on under the surface and what our role is (how we play a part  in the transaction) can help us improve relationships, communication and break unhealthy behavior patterns.

I think Ralph Waldo Emerson said it best: “Whatever games are played with us, we must play no games with ourselves, but deal in our privacy with the last honesty.”

It’s an age-old dilemma: Men and women speak “different tongues”. Books have been written about the subject and television has spoofed the differences between men and women for years.

Did you ever see the episode of Friends, where Rachel describes a kiss very differently than Ross? If not, click this link to view: Rachel and Ross’ first kiss. The scene illustrates male and female differences humorously, but there’s definitely some truth to it.

I found the subject so interesting,that I did a little research and posted my article on BrooWaha. I’ve included a few links to great articles written by some of the experts who specialize  in Communication and Gender .

It’s fascinating to learn about various communication styles and the boy and girl cultures that began in our childhood. Building self awareness may help us communicate better with a partner or coworker. How we communicate affects every relationship, for better or worse.

To read more…

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Lu Writes is a column devoted to Cultural Psychology which looks at human experience as a matter of interaction between the world and the self.

Dr. George Boeree, a retired professor who taught personality theories (among other things) at Shippensburg University in Pennsylvania, defines this theory on his Social Psychology Basics page. He writes:

“Social Psychology, at its simplest, the world gives us events; we in turn give those events meaning by interpreting and acting upon them.”

Topics that fall under this umbrella make for great “water-cooler-gab” in the office. Subjects might include: the mystery of physical attraction; interpreting body language; the psychology behind advertising; group dynamics and racism; aggression and crime; problem solving; individual identity; grieving; Forensic Psychology; profiling; the list is endless!

One topic that I’ve always found fascinating is how individuals can use humor for their own benefit.

“You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything-even poverty-you can survive it.”~ Bill Cosby

Humor can be used in all kinds of situations. It can be a way of persuading or improving social connections; it helps build communication;It also deflects criticism, removes hostility and improves morale.

Humor is good for your health.

It lowers blood pressure, improves breathing, and is good for your heart. It has been proven to increase pain tolerance; heighten self-esteem; enhance creativity and problem solving; build group identity and enhance memory.

In the article, Laughter is the Best Medicine-The Health Benefits of Humor and Laughter, written by Melinda Smith, M.A., Gina Kemp, M.A., and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D. it was reported that there is a link between laughter and mental health or happiness and the brain. According to these contributors: laughter is a stress buster; laughter helps you to relax and recharge; humor helps you see things with a healthier perspective.

According to Smith, Kemp and Segal, some of the benefits include:

Physical Benefits:

• Lowers stress hormones
• Decreases pain
• Boosts immunity
• Relaxes muscles

Mental Health Benefits:

• Eases anxiety and fear
• Improves mood
• Enhances resilience

Social Benefits:

• Strengthens relationships
• Attracts others to us
• Enhances teamwork
• Helps defuse conflict
• Promotes group bonding

Freud was a believer in the many benefits of humor. He believed that humor releases tension because repressed impulses are allowed expression via the element of surprise. Sexual humor would be an example of this Freudian view.

People may even use humor as a way to handle objections. According to changingminds.org:

“When you receive objections, it can be very frustrating and it is very easy for these emotions to leak out. By reframing the situation with gentle humor, you can show that you are not offended by their refusal.”

According to Changing Minds, there are certain techniques or guidelines in using humor appropriately. They reported:

“Do not respond with negative emotions such as anger or frustration. Defuse the tension with gentle humor, maybe feigning shock or otherwise poking fun at yourself. Be careful about not making them the object of humor.”

Humor can help you succeed.

“Laughing All The Way ToThe Bank” is an article published in the Harvard Business Review, (September 2003). The author, Fabio Sala, reported that executives, who were ranked as outstanding, used humor (positive or neutral humor) over twice as often than those ranked average (17.8 times/hr vs. 7.5 times/hr). They also received greater bonuses because of their effective use of humor.

Humor is used as a marker for emotional intelligence and that may be why people who use humor in the workplace may receive more bonuses or benefits. For example, when negotiating, playful joking helps the other person to relax and this increases the likelihood of gaining a financial concession.

Humor increases creativity.

R. W. Clouse and K. L. Spurgeon co-wrote the article, “Corporate Analysis of Humor”, published in Psychology: A Journal of Human Behavior (1995). Their research indicated that a good joke or playful laughter boosts creativity and a more trusting atmosphere.

Humor and motivation are linked.

Brain imaging supports the view that humor and motivation are linked and that humor can be an effective tool used in medical treatment for some individuals.

Fast Tube by Casper

An interesting article, “Functional Anatomy of Humor: Positive Affect and Chronic Mental Illness”, was written by Katherine H. Taber, Ph.D., Maurice Redden, M.D., and Robin A. Hurley, M.D. and was included in one section of Windows To The Brain.

They asserted:

“Positive emotions presumably activate areas of the brain involved in reward. The dopamine system is a critical component of the brain reward circuitry, important for motivation, affect and reward-associated functions.”

They also reported in their article:

“Humor has been integrated into the practice of medicine in multiple ways. Clowns have been used in medicine for about two decades. A recent study compared anxiety levels between children accompanied only by parents and children accompanied by both parents and clowns. During the preoperative period prior to minor surgery the presence of clowns was associated with significantly lower preoperative anxiety, supporting a therapeutic benefit. And perhaps the most common use of humor is to decrease the sense of isolation that is prevalent with some mental health care workers. Laughter and humor benefit both the sender and receiver by spreading positive emotions that promote stability, decrease negativity, moderate stress, and strengthen group identity and cohesion.”

Humor may help in psychiatric evaluations and facilitate the therapeutic process.

William Bernet M.D. wrote an interesting article, “Humor in Evaluating and Treating Children and Adolescents”. He reported:

“Humor can provide useful information during the psychiatricevaluation of children and adolescents and can also facilitatethe therapeutic process. Clinical examples demonstrate how humoris useful as a diagnostic tool; how it can be used to shapethe therapeutic relationship; and the role of humor as a therapeutictechnique. Humor may help the child and adolescent patient explorefeelings and may help the therapist deal with resistance. Insome circumstances, the humor itself can become an agent ofchange. Humor has been used in the treatment of depression,aggression, social ineptitude, and conduct problems.”

Both the benefits and the risks of using humor are discussed in Bernet’s article. He warns the reader that humor can have negative consequences if it is used improperly.

Humor helps many people cope more successfully.

Having a sense of humor may even help someone cope better during difficult life situations. Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887), the US abolitionist and clergyman, once said:

“A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs-jolted by every pebble in the road.”

In Summary:

Humor is good for you. Include it in your daily routine, the same way you remember to exercise, brush your teeth or walk your dog.

“Make today happy. Fill it with laughter”~ LU

Hope to see you back here next Wednesday for another article in “Lu Writes”.

RESOURCES

• Fabio Sala, Laughing all the way to the bank, Harvard Business Review, September 2003, pp 16-17
• R. W. Clouse and K. L. Spurgeon, Corporate Analysis of Humor, Psychology: A Journal of Human Behavior 32 (1995). pp 1-24
• Journal of Neuropsychiatry Clinical Neuroscience 19:4, Fall 2007
• Journal of Psychotherapy Practice and Research 2: 307-317, 1993
• Psychiatric News and American Psychiatric Association 36: 16, 2001

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(Love this video! –Great pep talk on the topic of resiliency)

This article was first published on BrooWaha as “What Do The Boston Bruins Have In Common With Copperfield?”

Do you remember the character, David Copperfield, created by Charles Dickens? In Dickens’s coming of age series, published from 1849-1850, David is the protagonist who faced a lot of adversity.

His fictional life was tragic: He was born six months after his father died; His stepfather beat him and later sent him away to boarding school where he was abused by a sadistic schoolmaster; After his mother’s death, his mean stepfather sent him to work in a warehouse, where David grew increasingly depressed…and the story goes on.

An important theme from the novel is perseverance and like Copperfield, resiliency is a trait that some people possess while others do not.

Throughout history, there have been people who persevered despite their handicaps and disabilities: Beethoven was deaf; Albert Einstein had a learning disability; James Earl Jones, the actor, used to stutter; and Franklin D. Roosevelt was paralyzed from polio. These people succeeded despite challenges and yet many others, with the same challenges sink into depression and develop low self-esteem.

Do you know the story about the great baritone, Leonard Warren, who despite ethnic and social prejudice, lack of musical training, and difficulty with reading music, became one of the world’s best opera singers? Many in his shoes might have chosen to quit because they didn’t possess his tough grit or tenacity.

Then, there’s Piotr Andreyevitch Streltzof (Father Arseny), the priest, arrested in 1933 during Bolshevik atheism and in 1939, sent to aSoviet prison camp where he remained until 1958. Despite the barbaric conditions and the extreme cold of the Russian winter, he endured sickness, abuse, cruelty, starvation and exploit, and miraculously managed to adapt, probe and transcend from the trauma he experienced, later dieing in 1973.

Disease, death, natural disasters, poverty, job loss, divorce, abuse, and crime will always be the unfortunate reality of life. After you hit middle age, you know to expect the unexpected.

So why are some people able to develop that “never say die” attitude, while others crawl under a rock and hide?

Steven Wolin, a psychiatrist and a researcher at George Washington University, wrote a book called Resilience: How Survivors of Troubled Families Keep the Past in its Place. In a 1992 interview conducted by Hara Estroff Marano, he and his co-author (also his wife) shared their knowledge on the topic.

In her article, “How to survive (practically) anything”, Marano recorded their conversation and wrote Wolf’s definition of resiliency:

“Resiliency is the capacity to rise above adversity and forge lasting strengths in the struggle. It is the means by which children of troubled families can rebound from hardship and emerge as strong and healthy adults, able to lead gratifying lives, albeit with some scars to show for their experience. Children can overcome trauma, protect themselves, grow and learn in the process.”

“Resilience in the Face of Rough Times -Resilience can be learned”, is the article written by John A. Call, Ph.D. In it he reported:

“Resilience is the process by which people adapt to changes or crises, like death, tragedy, the loss of a job, or financial problems. Resilience is not a character trait – it can be learned by anyone, but learning it does require time and effort.

Several factors involved in resilience include having a loving support system, the ability to make plans and follow through with them, communication and problem-solving skills, having a positive view of yourself and your abilities, and the capability to manage your feelings and impulses. Building resilience is a different process for everyone, and what works for one person may not work for another. Each person should determine what works for them and do that.”

Fast Tube by Casper

Another great article, “Weathering the Storm- Failure destroys some people. Others rise from the ashes, only to come back stronger. A guide to surviving tough times”, was written by Bruce Grierson. In his article, Grierson reported:

“A theory is gaining momentum that looks at failure differently. Failure, it says, is at worst a mixed blessing: It hurts, but can pay off in the form of learning and growth and wisdom. Some psychologists, like the University of Virginia’s Jonathan Haidt, go even further, arguing that adversity, setbacks, and even trauma may actually be necessary for people to be happy, successful, and fulfilled. “Post-traumatic growth,” it’s sometimes called. Its observers are building a solid foundation under the anecdotes about wildly successful people who credit their accomplishments to earlier failures that pushed them to the edge of the abyss.”

He sites J.K. Rowling to support this. Grierson goes on to say:

“Last fall, J.K. Rowling described to a Harvard grad class a perfect storm of failure—broken marriage, disapproval from her parents, poverty that bordered on homelessness—that sent her back to her first dream of writing because she had nothing left to lose. “Failure stripped away everything inessential,” she said. “It taught me things about myself I could have learned no other way.”

Grierson’s article includes his NINE ways to fail better list (I recommend reading his full description at NINE ways to fail better) which includes:

1. Lighten up-Keep a sense of humor
2. Join the club- Commiserate
3. Feel guilt, not shame- break the cycle of learned helplessness
4. Cultivate optimism-think more flexibly (the key to resilience)and learn to increase your array of options.
5. Ask not what the world can do for you…- Find something meaningful to do with your life
6. Scale down your expectations for yourself- A willingness to lower our sights when that’s realistically required.”
7. Harness the Bridget Jones Effect-Keep a journal
8. Don’t blame yourself- understand that negative life circumstances are outside your control and this will make you less vulnerable and quicker to bounce back
9. Act- “Failure is an opportunity to change course. Seize it.”

And what about those Bruins?

Fast Tube by Casper

This week, the Boston Bruins stopped a 39 year losing streak to win the Stanley Cup. How did this team persevere? What helped them breed success?

Michael J. Formica wrote an article called “The Power of Perseverance and leaving your ego at the door-what teamwork can teach us” and he talks about living through adversity with confidence and not fear.

In his article, Michael J. Formica writes:

“When you fold more than a few obstacles into the mix, becoming disheartened seems only inevitable. But teamwork forged in adversity creates a resilience that binds a group together in a way that few other things can. It is steel that bends, but does not break. That flexibility and willingness leads to a perseverance that, in the end, can only breed success. Not unlike the little engine that could, it is the essence of being present.

Synchronized skating can be seen as something of a metaphor for the way that teams should work. Not only is there a need for cooperation, but there is a demand to dial back individual needs for the greater good. It is an entirely egalitarian experience, where the whole really is greater than the sum of it parts because the skaters do rise and can, quite literally, fall together. What if we, as individuals, were to adopt a perspective that relied more on cooperation than competition, more on trust than doubt, more on humility than ego, especially in the face of adversity and strife? It seems from that place we, too, might learn to bend without breaking, engendering a success borne of tenacity and a willingness to actually be present, adapting to our circumstances with a joyful confidence, rather than the fear of defeat.”

Confucius once said “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”

There is something to be said for the elasticity of the human spirit. We can learn from the examples of others who have faced adversity and somehow rose up from the ashes.

Resiliency, at any age can be learned. We have to be willing to modify our goals, adapt to a life unplanned, and allow courage to drive us over our fear.

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Article first published as Lying is Alive and Well in American Culture on Blogcritics.

“The Liar” was a short story written by Henry James in the late 1800‘s. It‘s the story about an artist who meets a woman he had loved in his youth, but learns she’s now married to Colonel Capadose, a man addicted to deceiving. Through the plot, James gives a psychological analysis of human conscience and deceitful behaviors, prevalent in family life and in society at large.

Many authors have written about liars and lying. Franz Kafka was a German novelist who referred to lying as “a universal principle”. Whether you agree with him or not, you have to admit: lying is alive and well in American culture.

Headlines from recent weeks, covering Arnold Schwarzenegger‘s affairs and John Edwards fall from grace, seem to support this notion. These stories are nothing out of the ordinary. Headlines, from years past, covered the Monica Lewinski scandal and the lies of bankers and Catholic priests. Lying happens everyday and every year and it’s not a new topic.

Ancient philosophers shared their views on the morality of lying. St. Thomas Aquinas and Immanuel Kant condemned it; Plato held that lying was to be avoided, but there were “certain exceptions”; and Aristotle believed lying undermined character and made achievement of the good life more difficult but he also noted that it was a “mean”-if it ultimately brought good or happiness, under certain circumstances, it was acceptable. In recent history, the topic of lying has been scrutinized and widely debated.

In 2009, Jessica Bennett wrote an article for News Week, “The Truth About Lying-We are a culture of liars”

In the article, Bennett reported:

“Deception is all around us. We are lied to by government officials and public figures to a disturbing degree; many of our social relationships are based on little white lies we tell each other. We deceive our children, only to be deceived by them in return.”

In her article, Bennett makes reference to the book, “The Liar in Your Life“, written by psychologist Robert Feldman.

She quotes the author by writing:

“There’s always been a lot of lying,” says Feldman, “But I do think we’re seeing a kind of cultural shift where we’re lying more, it’s easier to lie, and in some ways it’s almost more acceptable.”

The number of books written by sociologists and psychologists, on the topic of lying, suggest that lying and it‘s implication on relationships is of great interest.

Perez Zagorin, in his article, “The Historical Significance of Lying and Dissimilation-Truth-Telling, Lying and Self Deception“, reported:

“Perhaps one might speculate that since the appearance in 1978 of Sissela Bok’s important and widely noticed book, “Lying. Moral Choice in Private and Public Life”, the concern with lying and deception has continually increased. Bok’s work was actuated by worry over declining standards of truth-telling and for this reason apparently touched a nerve. It coincided with the growing skepticism and mistrust felt among Americans and in other western nations about the veracity of governments, officials, and politicians, as well as lawyers, the medical profession, and business corporations. This attitude may be traced back to the period of the Vietnam War and even before and perhaps provides part of the explanation for the expanding attention within the social sciences to the matter of lying.”

Zagorin also wrote in his article:

“Present-day psychologists, sociologists, and other investigators who examine lying as a type of behavior commonly view it as a normal aspect of human existence, whether in personal relationships or in the public sphere. By treating it as an everyday occurrence, an ordinary fact of social life rather than an exceptional event.”

Another article, “The Deceptive Brain” written by Sean A Spence, MD seems to agree with Zagorin‘s view.

Spence reported in his article:

“On the evidence of religious texts dating from antiquity, lying and deception have been of concern to humans for millennia. However, despite the apparent premium placed upon honesty in ancient and modern life, there is emerging evidence from the disciplines of evolutionary studies, child development and developmental psychopathology that the ability to deceive is acquired and, indeed, “normal”. Such behaviors follow a predictable developmental trajectory in human infants and are “impaired” among human beings with specific neurodevelopmental disorders, such as autism. Hence, there seems to be a tension between what is apparently socially undesirable but “normal” (i.e. lying) and what is socially commendable but pathological (i.e. always telling the truth). Higher organisms have evolved the ability to deceive each other consciously or otherwise, while humans, in a social context, are encouraged to refrain from deception.”

Despite the negative repercussions that lying may cause,Spence points out that there are some benefits to lying, which include the following:

• Learned in childhood, deceit delineates a boundary between “self‘ and “other”, originally between child and parent.
• Lying eases social interaction, by way of compliments and information management.
• Deception can sometimes denote consideration for others.
• Lying facilitates impression management, especially early in a romantic relationship.
• Deception may also be a vital skill in the context of conflict—for instance, between social groups, countries or intelligence agencies.

There may be some benefits to lying, like telling your girlfriend she doesn’t look fat in her new pair of jeans or telling a relative on Thanksgiving, their burnt desert was delicious, but more often than not, lies often lead to emotional injury and disappoint. Political careers have been ruined, family lives have been destroyed, innocent spectators have lost their possessions, homes or life-long earnings. And in the end, the liar himself might even get hurt.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said it best;

“Every violation of truth is not only a sort of suicide in the liar, but is a stab at the health of human society.”

And I have to wonder what the lies of Arnold Schwarzenegger and John Edwards have done to their children. It’s unfair but true; the innocent usually pay the emotional price for the lies spread by ego-centric, power-hungry, self-absorbed men.

REFERENCES:

• Spence SA. The deceptive brain. Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine2004; 97; 6-9

• Spence SA, Farrow TFD, Herford AE, et al. Behavioral and functional anatomical correlates of deception in humans. Neuro Report 2001;12: 2849–53