Okay…I’ll confess…my new guilty pleasure is watching The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills on Bravo. Is it the cat fights that hooked me? Maybe it’s the “grown-ups” acting like spoiled out of control children. Could it be the excessive life styles; throwing over-the-top parties, too much shopping, gossiping and back stabbing? Yep, I’m embarrassed to say…the reality soap opera has me hooked.

One episode stands out to me. It was Taylor, the overindulgent mother, throwing her five-year-old daughter a ridiculously over-done, over-priced, over-the-top birthday party. Let’s just say it was nothing you would see in the real world: renting a ranch; a $2000 birthday cake; 200 guests; pony rides; having a (drunk) American Idol sing; a mechanical horse like John Travolta rode in the eighties; and giving her daughter a real horse….really?…Wow! The unremarkable fact is that the five year old was pouty. She appeared to have a miserable time whenever the camera was on her.

When I remember my own daughter’s fifth birthday party, I remember a $4.00 Betty Crocker cake, five little friends, and i-Party favors. We sang happy birthday off key. Despite the low cost and not having an American Idol singer, my daughter smiled the whole day, contrasting Taylor’s daughter.

It raises the question: Is less actually more and is spoiling our kids a form of child abuse? If you ask Dr. Phil it is. He reported in his article Stop Spoiling Your Kids:

“Over-indulgence is one of the most insidious forms of child abuse. Your primary job as a parent is to prepare your child for how the world really works. In the real world, you don’t always get what you want. You will be better able to deal with that as an adult if you’ve experienced it as a child”

In his article, he provides parents with a list of suggestions to stop spoiling their child. (To read more…)

How do you know if your child is spoiled?

Dulce Zamora reports in the article, Is Your Child Spoiled Rotten? :

“A spoiled child has the ‘I want, I want, I want’ syndrome,” says Charles L. Thompson, PhD, professor of educational psychology and counseling at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville. “His philosophy of life would sort of be “Life is not good unless I’m getting my own way.”

Zamora writes:

“A spoiled kid is someone who sits inside on a cold day—sipping hot chocolate and watching TV—while her dad shovels snow in the driveway…(quoting Dan Kindlon, author of Too Much of a Good Thing)

He notes that such children often feel entitled not to have to contribute to responsibilities. They also usually have parents that emotionally indulge them—for example, excusing them from chores because they already have a tough school schedule….Life, for these kids, is often difficult, says Schmitt. ‘They are constantly in a tug of war with their environment,’ he explains. ‘They keep smashing into walls because they are living in a world that’s different from the real world.”

The article also provides information on the causes of spoiling, what kids need and how to unspoil your child. (To read more…)

Tatiana Morales, from CBS News, reported the experts view, in her article, Are You Spoiling Your Child? (February 2009). She quotes Audrey Wise, child and family counselor:

“What does ‘overprotective’ have to do with spoiled?…overprotective parents don’t want their child to fail and do everything in their power to make sure this doesn’t happen. But at a certain point, these parents are no longer doing their child a favor. The child becomes accustomed to having things done for him or her, assuming everyone will work for his or her success-and that’s just not true.”

Morales outlines Wise’s tips for how to not spoil a child that include setting limits and sticking to them; avoid comparisons, remembering that NO is not a naughty word, teach charity, stand firm and think about the future. (To read more…)

I guess Taylor, the most unstable out of all the Beverly housewives, never listened to Bill Vaughan, the American columnist and author. He was quoted :

“A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm”

You don’t need to rent a ranch and spend thousands and thousands of dollars to show your five year old on her birthday that you love her. A simple hug and kiss should do. Raising children who appreciate the simple things in life is far better than raising spoiled brats.

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