“The longing for a destiny is nowhere stronger than in our romantic life. All too often, we’re forced to share our bed with those who cannot fathom our soul. Can we not be forgiven if we believe ourselves fated to stumble one day upon the man or woman of our dreams?”~ Alain de Botton (On Love)
I was having a phone conversation with a friend last night. We were sharing our “war stories” of past relationships. We both have battle scars…which got me thinking…
Why is it that so many people choose the wrong partner?
Why do people stay in the relationship, if the relationship is toxic? What do people hope to find? None of the answers are easy to define and if you ask three different people, you might get three different answers.
My friend did share his thoughts on the topic and here is some of what he told me :
“I want to tell you what I’m hoping to find in the future. I’m looking for a soul mate who brings happiness to my world (my family and me); Someone I can’t wait to hug at the end of the day; Someone who supports me and accepts my kids as their own; Someone who makes me laugh;Someone I can trust and always has my back; Someone I can say anything to…Growing up was tough. Love wasn’t something that I ever experienced. It’s simple: All I want is to love my partner and be loved back. That will make me happy.”
Isn’t that what we all hope for?
According to Ken Page, a New York based psychotherapist and author, “love is closer than we think, if we change the way we look for it.” In his article, A Message of Hope for Anyone Seeking A Relationship; Why single people seeking love have great reason to be hopeful, he writes:
“As we develop our capacity for intimacy, we find ourselves meeting—and being attracted to-emotionally available people who value us for who we are. Why that happens, I don’t fully know; but it’s cause for great hope. Dating does not have to be a painful numbers game that favors the young and stereotypically beautiful. No matter what your age, weight or life circumstances, if you follow these three suggestions, your dating life will change and you’ll feel yourself moving closer to a truly loving relationship.”
In searching for love, the three suggestions Ken Page reveals are:
1. Lead with your gifts. Core gifts are unique and when they are acknowledged, they broaden the path to intimacy.
2. Discover your own intimacy lessons. This means, develop insights on the behavior that touches us deeply.
3. Only choose inspiration. Ken Page writes “These are attractions that draw us to people who are kind and available; people who inspire us simply by who they are.”
Ken Page believes “We have the power to change our dating life—and our future.”
If he’s right, then finding a soul mate has nothing to do with destiny. It has a lot more to do with making the right choices.
Just food for thought…
“Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice;
it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.”
~William Jennings Bryan
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