“Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response.” ~Mildred Barthel

New Year’s Eve (2010) is now just a memory. Everyone has had time to reflect on the events of the past year and share hopes for this New Year.

Resolutions have been mentioned over champagne toasts but how many of them sounded superficial, unimportant or even self serving?

“This is the year I’ll lose weight.” or “This is the year I’ll buy that vacation cottage on the lake.” “This year I’ll be the top sales man in the office.”

I’ve been guilty in the past of making self serving resolutions too, but not this year. When the clock stroked midnight, I cheered and waved goodbye to one of the worst years of my life; a year filled with disappointments and hard knocks (unemployment, foreclosure and the end of a few very important relationships). I couldn’t wait for 2010 to be over, but after the toasting and cheers I started to wake up and walk out of my “little, poor me” fog.

Could it be that all my “unhappy endings” were really “great opportunities”?

It’s possible that the “bad luck” I complained about was actually just growing pains for the better person I’d become. The doors that closed were actually meant to slam shut. I ended where I was supposed to end up and that “something better”, although not easy to find, was always there but I didn’t recognize it as such. This new awareness didn’t happen overnight and most of the year I spent paddling against the current, trying to force what I wanted instead of what was meant to be. I couldn’t see it then, but I see it now. Once I changed my attitude, things started to get better. This year of struggle was like an adolescence; an awkward growing period filled with self doubt and wondering who I’m meant to be. Starting over is never easy, especially when you’re middle aged.

The reality is all the “bad stuff” was really a gift disguised in ugly wrapping paper.If  I hadn’t been laid off, I would have never met the many interesting and creative artists that I have met over this past year. Writing was always something that I had enjoyed, but I never thought in a million years people would actually “pay me” to do something that I loved and that came so naturally to me. Having a person from France post a message on my blog to thank me and tell me: “You’ve helped me so much.” was a real surprise. My writing helped her? That’s amazing to me.

And sure, losing the house brought a lot of heartache and yet when it was all said and done, I actually felt relieved. No more anxiety, “what ifs” or “what will I do if it happens” kept me awake at night. I sleep well now.

If I hadn’t been forced to think outside the box with my career choices, I never would have discovered the reward I feel when working with the elderly. Who knew I could learn so much about life just by listening to their stories and shared wisdom.

I’ll never forget Walter

Walter was an old gentlemen fighting arthritis and forced to live his life in a wheel chair. Extremely deaf, he’d laugh when his hearing aid didn’t work and make jokes about it. One time we were talking about his late wife and how he had worked his whole life to provide for her and his eight kids. He admitted that he was guilty of trying to keep up with the Jones’s; wanting the nicest house on the street, driving the fanciest car and playing golf with the rich and privileged. You’d never guess Walter was wealthy. He didn’t brag or talk about his money. He never made you feel like you were “less than” or just ordinary.

He told me how startled he was one day by looking into his bathroom mirror, ready to shave. Who was that old, old man staring back at him? This moment made him realize that life is just a blip. One blink and it’s done. As more friends and loved ones die off, material things are put in perspective. None of the “stuff” he worked so hard to acquire mattered anymore. All that mattered was knowing he did his best and lived everyday trying to do good and love the people who mattered most to him. He told me that helping others makes you rich, not the size of your pay check.

He told me: “I’ve never seen a U-Haul following a hearse. You don’t take it with you when you go.  In the end, we’re all the same. Even Donald Trump will end up only ashes and bones, lying in a box or filling up an urn… just like the rest of us.”

I used to love seeing Walter every Tuesday. He would make me laugh, think differently about things or appreciate things that I took for granted. Who knew that watching squirrels play or birds perch on a tree limb outside a bedroom window could be seen as entertainment? Walter knew and he lived everyday like it was his last; making sure he smiled at everyone he met and helped others when he could. He made a difference in my life.

Last Tuesday

I thought it would be like all the others and I looked forward to talking to Walter when time permitted. But last Tuesday was different. Walter’s bed had been stripped bare. The pictures of all his grandchildren had been removed from his bedroom walls and his wheel chair was gone. Last Tuesday Walter died.

It made me feel empty… at first. I knew I’d always miss him, but I’d always carry him in my heart. Last week I  kept hearing Walter’s voice and his laughter. I heard him tell me as he had a thousand times;

“Hang in there kid, your luck will change. Life is change, never stays the same. You’ll be okay my dear. Just hold on and adjust your sails to where the wind blows. You’ll see better days, I’m sure of it!”

I never would have met Walter if I hadn’t been laid off. Knowing him was a gift.

This year my resolution is to live life one day at a time

Take time to stop and breathe; appreciate the little things, like a beautiful butterfly landing on a flower petal. Walter used to enjoy that when I took him outside in his wheelchair last spring.

The worst year of my life may have ended, but I’d be wrong not to admit that it was also a year of blessings. It gave me Walter, a renewed love for writing and time to understand that “stuff” doesn’t mean a damn. My focus is on what matters; the people I love, not material goods.

Here’s to 2011 and…

Here’s to you Walter.

“Only one thing has to change for us to know happiness in our lives: where we focus our attention.”~ Greg Anderson

If you’re looking to read from another personal blog on this topic (and self improvement), check out my friend Timethief’s blog at this link:

http://thistimethisspace.com/2010/03/30/how-to-create-authentic-happiness/

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2011