“Happy or unhappy, families are all mysterious. We have only to imagine how differently we would be described—and will be, after our deaths—by each of the family members who believe they know us.”~ Gloria Steinem
Sibling rivalry and discovering our "niche"
Born to Rebel, (Pantheon) written by Frank J. Sulloway, Ph.D., is a remarkable report on siblings and the effects of birth order. Dr. Sulloway takes a different approach,based on Darwinian Theory, to explain the dynamics of siblings and believes that our family “niche” has social power.
It’s Sulloway’s belief that each child in the family unit vies for the parent’s approval and this causes the child to create his or her own “niche”. For example, the first born might take on the “conformist” role and be the most obedient child, because the eldest child will identify with the parent’s authority. The middle child may be the “mediator” , wanting to get along with every one, the baby might be the “clown” or “outrageous-one”. The younger children will rebel more than the eldest. All siblings take on various niches, attempting to win the parent’s attention or favor. Each sibling will create a different niche from the siblings who came before, in order to accomplish this goal.
According to Sulloway, family dynamics, alone, will not influence one’s personality. The niche chosen by the child is extremely important to an individual’s personal development. The niche has a profound effect on the child’s personality and outlook on life. Therefore, the individual’s niche will be powerful and endure–well into adult hood.
In the child’s attempt to win favor with his parent, he will develop different strategies (defined by his niche) that will make him different from each sibling. Sulloway concludes that personalities vary among siblings, not just because of the birth order, but due to the adopted niche.
Many theorists have developed the view that personality is the result of a shared environment, called the family unit but Sulloway holds a contrary belief. Based on his research and understanding of psychology and the social sciences, Sulloway concludes that sibling competition is far reaching, beyond the family unit. He believes it influences society.
Ellen Frankenburg agrees:
This view is shared and discussed in the article, Sibling Behavior Decoded, written by Ellen Frankenburg, a psychologist who consults with families in business. She sites Sulloway’s findings and adds; “Although Sulloway examined the lives of scientists and political leaders, he thinks they also apply to business leaders.” Frankenburg goes on to say in her article, “It is well known that sibling differences can be the source of everlasting bitterness. Sibling rivalry erupted from the very beginning in the human family, as told in the Book of Genesis,…Sibling relationships in a family business are rarely murderous, but they do carry enormous emotional power. As siblings enter the family business, their rivalries can erupt with ancient force … The strength of sibling bonds can stabilize a company, but sibling warfare can drag it down.”
Frankenburg believes sibling arguments are beneficial, teaching an individual how to defend himself in the future when confronted by strangers, co-workers or friends. Ellen Frankenburg reports, “Anger can be a powerful source of energy for powerful change.” and goes on to say that sibling fights teach valuable lessons on how to disagree and resolve disagreements, which will help them later in life when they interact with society.
John and Beatrice Whiting’s research:
John and Beatrice Whiting studied the behavior and relationships of children by observing them in context and concluded there was a “cultural” nature of child development. They believe social and environment influences are at the root for a child’s learning and personality development. (You can read their full article The Ecology of Human Development: Evolving Models for Cultural Psychology Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology July 2010 41: 546-562, first published on April 8, 2010 by downloading a PDF found at this link- John and Beatrice Whiting’s Article.)
In my opinion, the Whitings work supports Sulloway’s conclusion; personal development is rooted in the family niche that siblings create. This niche influences more than just how the family members interact. It’s power filters through the family’s front door and touches society at large.
“Even as the cell is the unit of the organic body,
so the family is the unit of society.”~Ruth Nanda Anshen
Whether you’re the first born or the middle child, you’ll find the information contained in Sulloway’s book to be fascinating. I hope you’ll check it out!
Visit Dr. Sulloway’s website at : http://www.sulloway.org/borntorebel.html
You can also learn more about the book by visiting it’s Amazon page: Born to Rebel by Frank J. Sulloway, Ph.D.
Some other great articles on the topic of siblings:
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