Lyrics from “I’m Alive” by Kenny Chesney:

“So damn easy to say that life’s so hard…Everybody’s got their share of battle scars…As for me, I’d like to thank my lucky stars that I’m alive and well…breathing in and out is a blessing can’t you see…Today that‘s good enough for me…”

“Loss is nothing else but change, and change is Nature’s delight.”~Marcus Aurelius

I’ve been on a losing streak; a year marked by more losses than wins. But I’m not alone. The pain of loss is universal, and although it may alter with age and maturity, it remains a large hurdle, a  mountain to climb.

Whether it’s the pain from losing a prized possession, grieving over the death of someone we love, losing a best friend or lover, losing a home, losing custody of a child, watching a loved one lose his memory…the proportion of loss is all relative. Grief is grief and it stings like a red jelly fish off the shores of PEI.

“Nothing that grieves us can be called little: by the eternal laws of proportion a child’s loss of a doll and a king’s loss of a crown are events of the same size.”~ Mark Twain

There’s no easy “fix”.

Think how rich you’d become if you developed a remedy for chasing the blues away. Sure, time will heal the pain of loss but the waiting period can be excruciating. Music may lift your spirits, but it’s a panacea that’s fleeting. So what’s the magic bullet?

What’s the secret to moving past the pain of loss?

I wish I knew. All I know is that when it comes to losing, I’ve mastered the art. In my lifetime, I’ve lost more than I care to remember: A favorite curly haired doll when I was five, a football player boyfriend in high school, a scholarship to teach out of state, four miscarriages, divorce, a 14 year career ending in unemployment, foreclosure…..and life goes on. Do you know this morning I spent 20 minutes cursing over the pain of losing my car keys?

It’s a choice.

Last week, I met a patient at work (I’ll call him Ed) who really  inspired me. Ed is a middle-aged man in a wheel chair, both legs amputated from his battle with diabetes. He greeted me with the sunniest smile, joked with me, made me laugh. After an hour with him, I had to ask.

“What Keeps You Going”

“With everything you’ve been through, how do you keep such a positive attitude?”

His answer:

“What’s the alternative? Stay in bed with the covers over my head and cry? Yeah, I tried that but that didn’t help. Nothing got better. So one day, I decided to pull myself out of bed and I said, “Damn it Ed. You’re going to walk today.” I decided.

And that’s when it changed for me. It was hard work, but I did it. I walked again. That was four years ago after I lost my left leg. Last week I lost my right leg and you know what? It’s okay. Yeah, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t spend a few nights crying. But that’s all the time I wasted. I’ll do what I did before and I’m going to walk. Just hope my wife still thinks I’m sexy standing at five feet five. Do you know the prosthetic legs will make me 7 inches shorter?”

Loss is universal

Whether you’re a two year old, hysterical because you lost your binky or a 72 year old crushed by the death of your spouse, loss is painful. But after a loss, it comes down to making a choice: Do you get up and walk through life like Ed, or hide under the bed covers and quit?

“You’re never a loser, until you quit trying.”~Mike Ditka

The art of losing isn’t hard to master. Even if you’re limping through life right now, keep training for that marathon and one of these days you’ll be sprinting again. You can’t see what’s waiting for you around the next corner.

Keeping a positive attitude might be the magic bullet.

ONE ART BY ELIZABETH BISHOP

The art of losing isn’t hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant to travel.
None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother’s watch. And look! My last,
or next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.

—Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident
the art of losing’s not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

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