“Life moves on, whether we act as cowards or heroes. Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would realize it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from,everything we deny,denigrate or despise deserves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such.” ~Henry Miller

“Learn to dance in the rain.”

That’s what Marianne Russo, mother of 3, told me the other day. We were talking about the challenges mothers face by raising children with disabilities. Marianne lives in New York and has been a mom for 24 years. She had four children and experienced heartbreak when one of her children died. After learning this, I asked her how she got through it. Her response was matter-of-fact,

“I just got up every day and did what I had to do. You have to go on, life moves on. My kids were the reason I got up every day. I did it for them.”

Marianne has the ability to see beautiful blossoms sprouting in Mother Nature’s spring time garden, when the rest of us walk right by and see nothing but a mud puddle.

How does she do it?

“The key is learning to accept what is, even if it is not what you planned for. You have to have a positive outlook and learn to dance in the rain.”

“Learn to dance in the rain.” is Marianne’s motto and she shares other nuggets of wisdom on her blog called, Anxiety Disorders in Children and Adolescents. She recently wrote on one of her posts;

“In some ways my life is like a tragic novel. In other ways, it is a story of determination, strength and hope. It is a story of motherhood and all the hopes and dreams that we expect…Some of it is sad, some of it is unexplainable. All of it makes us who we are.”

What it has made Marianne is a remarkable woman. After reading her story, you’ll understand why she is being profiled today as one Divine Mom. She has the qualities that make her an inspirational hero in the world of unconditional love, called motherhood.

“Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.” ~Anonymous

Life never stands still; it is constantly changing and moving. We either learn to move with it, or imitate a confused gray herring swimming against the current. While the school is spawning upstream, we remain stuck, resisting the new motion that wants to lead us to a new place. Maybe we’re just too stubborn to recognize the tide has changed and refuse to move with the flow. It’s a whole new way to swim and we’re unsure. So we resist, stay stuck and never find the life we were meant to have.

Marianne Russo is a mom who knows how to swim. She has the will and determination of a gold medalist. She could have complained about the unfair circumstances that were dealt to her, but she never did. She recognized that type of negativity brings more sadness and in the end will cause you to miss out on opportunities that are waiting. “The glass is not just half empty, it’s dry” is not the attitude of a champ and in the end, it will make you too sad or too angry to productively live your life.

Recently, Marianne wrote in her blog posting; “For many women, they seem to effortlessly walk through life and are content. For others, they are given the unexpected. They are given a child with a disability. They are given a heavy heart, not by the child, but by the illness or disorder that plagues them. These women feel limited in their choices. They feel they can’t have it all and they feel a sense of loss for their happily ever after ending.”

When her daughter was 4 years old, she came down with strep. This illness brought about a more serious illness, Pit ands (Pandas). Then more troubling news followed. Her little girl would soon be diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, ticks and mood instability. This illness changed her family’s world. Her “play” read clearly on the billboard of life as “Marianne’s Life”, but without any warning, it was being moved off Broadway. Not only that, the script was being re-written and with no time to prepare, she was the actor on a new stage, having to quickly memorize new lines. But stage fright wasn’t an option for this talented mother. The show must go on. It wasn’t easy, but like a method actor, she became gifted at performing improvisation. Here is Marianne’s story.

Master of the Rain Dance

Like all of us who raise a child with a disability, Marianne Russo was devastated after learning her four- year- old daughter’s diagnosis. Her daughter had a case of strep throat, but it brought on a more serious illness called Pit-ands (Pandas), and that led to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, mood instability and ticks. Now her daughter is 16, and doing much better. But Marianne remembers the early days of trying to accept her new life, dealing with moments of feeling isolated and trying to make sense of it all.

Marianne Russo is a mother in New York who I spoke with recently. In her own words, she describes herself as; “I’ve been a mother for 24 years and I’m still a work in progress. But if I can share anything with a new mom who just got the diagnosis, it’s this;

#1-”You have to accept the life you’ve been given even if it wasn’t the life you had planned. If you don’t, you’ll be holding yourself hostage in your own home and depression will set in. You have to accept what is. Sure, you’ll grieve. You lost something. The life you had is now and forever different, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a good life. You have to accept and move forward and the only way to get through it is to learn to dance in the rain. Find support from moms who have been there and understand. You really have a choice; be unproductive or productive. If your life is going to be lived to it’s fullest then you should be productive and make a difference to other lives. ”

#2- Don’t forget your healthy children, the siblings of the child you are worried about. Marianne knows that for the healthy sibling to plan a play -date or have a friend sleep over, the “sun-moon -and-stars have to align perfectly and that isn’t always easy.” Marianne told me, “They will be affected by the illness too and maybe harbor resentment. It’s tough for them to see their parents affected and to live with a brother or sister’s explosive and or unpredictable behavior. You have to be available for them to vent and share their feelings. They need you just as much. The illness affects the whole family, not just the child that received the diagnosis.”

Marianne shared with me one funny story that happened in the early years. In Marianne’s words: “I remember going with my husband to a parent support group. My daughter was four and it was still new to us. There were only about 5 other new parents and about 30 or 40 parents were there. When we left, I began to sob. On the car ride home, I began cry hysterically. My husband tried to reassure me and tell me everything would be okay. I realized he had no idea of why I was crying at all. I had to explain; “That’s not why I’m crying! Did you see those other mothers in there? They all looked like hell. They look so sad and tired. I’ll be damned if this will do that to me.”

We both laughed over the phone waves and I clearly understood who Marianne was; a fighter who won’t be bullied out of the parent-ring. She is strong spirited and spreads positive energy. She is invincible and believes that you hold the power of your own destiny. It’s her outlook and positive energy that makes Marianne an inspiration. No one plans to raise a child with a serious illness, but acceptance is the key to unlocking future happiness. What you need is a positive attitude and a strong spirit that comes from positive energy. Marianne teaches this to other moms who are struggling.

Coffee Klatch

To help other mothers, she recently created a group for mothers who are raising kids with disabilities, called Coffee Klatch. From 9 to 10:00 eastern time, this is a place to share, support, laugh, and find strength. She calls Friday’s session; Fun -Friday. To join, you can find an interactive twitter link and type in the hash tag TCK or just type in “Good morning TCK” and refresh and someone will be there to greet you. She created this group to break the isolation and help mother’s think positively. Marianne is a believer in spreading positive energy to others. Marianne shares her golden nuggets of mothers wisdom and her own experiences raising her daughter on her blog; Anxiety Disorders in Children and Adolescents. She also researches the natural causes of children anxiety and writes about issues related to it on her blog. She wants to help other moms and be productive. She is making a difference every day.

To quote her last post; ” Along with the unexpected can come the expected. If what we expected of ourselves as little girls, young ladies and women was to become nurturing, educated, independent, strong and supportive – then mothers of children with disabilities have not only met but far exceeded those expectations. My father once told me “Expect nothing and you will never be disappointed”. Seemed a bit harsh even a bit ridiculous at the time and I told him that without expectations there are no goals. Looking back, I think I missed the point. Perhaps the one thing never taught to me to expect was to have a purpose. Maybe in some way having a true purpose in life – to be truly needed – may not be the life expected but the life you were meant to have.”

Check out Marianne’s blog and you can also find her on Twitter. Search for “coffeeklatch” too.

Thank you Marianne for sharing your story with us! It’s time to leave the dance floor; where does the time go! If you’re feeling like the rain has got you down today, think about taking dance lessons from Marianne. She teaches by living example. It’s your choice. Make the right one. As for me, when my son grows 3 inches and his illness becomes difficult to live with, I will learn to love my soggy socks. Until the doctor figures out how to “tweek” his medication so that my family isn’t walking around him on eggshells, I will take dancing lessons and think like a duck. I won’t let his Bipolar Disorder condition and unpredictable behavior get me down. I am training to dance, so watch out Jennifer Lopez! I plan on following Marianne’s lead and be a Diva who can jive on the wet dance floor, maybe even sing if I’m feeling cocky. If you’re a mom, like me, raising a child with a disability, check out coffeeklatch and I hope to see you on the dance floor.

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