December 28, 2009

8 am

Dear Diary

Serenity on Cape Cod

I couldn’t sleep this morning, too many financial worries. Unemployed for 6 months now and I still can’t believe MA won’t let me collect unemployment. They tell me I don’t qualify because I taught at a Catholic School and to make matters worse; the Catholic school doesn’t have a fund to help the laid off teachers.

“Feed a family or decorate an alter?”

I question Father George, my last boss. What are his  priorities? Should he preach ”Love your neighbor; Do for others?”  Is he a hypocrite? You decide.

No financial assistance is provided to the first teacher they hired (me) and the first teacher to be laid off (me). The reason for letting me go: enrollment went down. They had a budget crisis. I was paid the highest salary in the building and with no teacher’s union they could let me go.

Of course it didn’t help there was no love lost with the principal and me. She was a real broom rider; you could hear the theme song  from Oz play when she walked the halls; a real witch.

When the Accredidation team interviewed us “confidentially”, I was honest (sometimes I wish that wasn’t part of who I am!) They asked me privately how I would rate the broom rider’s performance. I spoke the truth. I told them what she did: how she made teachers in the building cry, how she hollered at kids and made them cry. It was as if she came from the dinosaur age of teaching with the nuns!; I told them how she lied to parents and gave examples (she said there were 2 sixth grades/ there was one; she told them we were all trained in Wilson Reading/ only 2 were; She told them all the kids received spanish/ grades k-4 didn’t at the time ; she told them students had 45 min. of technology/ they only had 15, etc, etc).

I also mentioned 13 teachers went to Fr. George to complain about her and that 4 others went to the Dioce to complain to the Superintendent.

What did the Superintendent do?

Nothing. He said Fr. George was in charge.

What did Fr. George do?

Nothing. He looked the other way, just like Cardinal Law.

What was the result?

Teachers left, parents pulled their kids out, the entire staff would look for jobs each spring. We’d cross our fingers this would be the year for her to retire.

Anyway, the witch was untouchable. She did things that would get her fired in the public schools, but got away with it here. How do I know? I taught in public school for 10 years. Catholic Schools get away with a lot because there is no teacher’s union. I’ll never work for a Catholic School again.

But to get back to my initial question: “Feed a family or decorate an alter?”

Father George never gave me a dime, but boy, does his alter look beautiful! Hundreds of dollars he spent on flowers. Not one penny to help me feed my kids. Hypocrite? You decide.

So what do I do now?

I should have been an actress, making millions for “pretending”, playing a character in someone elses story. Nope, I became a teacher. Now I’m trying to become a writer. Am I crazy ? I don’t know where it is leading me, but I want to travel it and it’s a choice that I’ve made. I’m following my heart and chasing my dream….

I started writing before my kids got up this morning. The most beautiful light shined into my office window. It made me stop what I was doing, and led me to the window pane, where I got to witness the most extraordinary sunrise. Just looking at the tree shadows and all the different colors cast on my front lawn warmed me up inside.

Pretty funny isn’t it? I’m a starving writer at the moment, but there are still riches to find. Take this morning’s sunrise. It made me feel rich.

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN by Robert Frost
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Someday I’ll see this road I’m on, less traveled, is the right road for this writer to follow.
Until tomorrow dear friend…..

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